Tuesday, January 5, 2010

your kids' friends

they say you can't really control what your kids will and will not do - in the end, they are most influenced by their peers.

all you can attempt to control is their peer group.

so the question is - if your kid has taken up with a really questionable kid as her new best friend, thus has moved into a group of really unpleasant kids - how do you re-direct your kid?

i can't really leave nyc. if i forbid the friendship, it becomes - like romeo and juliet - still more compelling.



  1. You might have to let her make some mistakes for herself but if it's something significant, talk with her about your specific concerns. "I'm not comfortable with you hanging out with Susan because her shoplifting is a problem," or "I'm worried about you spending time with Jake because he does a lot of coke." You're the mom, the grownup; you know better than she does. I wish my mom had spoken up when she saw me making big mistakes. It won't be an easy conversation for either of you, but it's worth trying.

  2. anycheese gave sage advice.

    kids want to do what kids want to do. this new person might be really popular in school and your daughter may want to get closer to this person in order to fit in with the cool kids. at that age, it's all about fitting in: wearing the right clothes, having the right friends, using the right lingo. it was REALLY hard for me at that age, but i wasn't a glamazon like your daughters so i never really rebelled. just trust that you raised her right and that she'll figure out this bad influence is just that. but you should definitely talk to her about it. just don't forbid her because that just adds fuel to the fire...