Friday, February 19, 2010
not quite sure why it bothers me so much not to have eyelashes but there you are.
some women's femininity is tied to their bottoms or breasts, mine to my eyes, i guess.
think about it this way. when you draw a little cartoon picture on the bottom of your napkin or doodle it on your pad of paper in a business meeting when you are meant to be taking notes, if you want the little person to be a girl, how do you make her into one? draw eyelashes, of course. all of a sudden, she is feminized. it's like minnie mouse. it's her pumps and her eyelashes that separate her from mickey's asexuality.
my eyes are swollen and red, so bad in the morning that i look like an old turtle and the lashless rims just make it worse.
2 weeks and 3 days post-chemo - i am "feeling my oats" as they say about horses. i wake up energized and thrilled about the endless possibilities of what might comprise my waking hours. should i try swimming again? pilates? meet a friend for lunch? being alive and mobile is so fun!
i am so thrilled that i can read complex sentences again - yes, that means BOOKS! not just sidebars in magazines or paragraphs in "styles of the times." i can write sentences and dig up words and ideas that had seemed buried in the "chemo-fog" or "chemo-brain" forever. the my grocery list that used to evaporate from my mind as i walked from the refrigerator to the computer now stays put, albeit with a few losses.
still, i often become overambitious and end up collapsed in bed at 2 in the afternoon.
despite drinking kale, spinach, carrot and cucumber juice religiously, no caffeine (though i'd love it for that afternoon slump), eating cruciferous vegetables rather than cake and tons of supplements, i have to be patient.
but like a gift, my eyelashes seem to be coming back! (the eyebrows are still thinnning but who cares, it's nice to look permanently surprised. additionally, i could save on eyebrow lift surgery).
there are SIX dark lashes now - though it requires confirmation in the 5X magnifying mirror attached to my bathroom mirror with a suction cup - and it cheers me up.
there is an end in sight.