she did wake up

because one eye got a bit swollen because of the mascara from yesterday.

i asked her if she had the feeling that everything would be ok. because, "it will be ok. no matter what happens, it will all be ok."

she said, "no, i don't know if you will die or not."

me: "but even if i die, it will be ok. you will be ok. there will be people to look after you."

zarina: "no, i don't feel like that."

i need to re-think how i am nurturing her. my acupuncturist, mona chopra, asked me a lot of questions the last time i saw her. asking about my fears and questions in life. the last fear - and the only one i don't have, deep down - is that everything will NOT be ok.

she laughed and said, "that's good! because in chinese medicine, that is related to your kidney, to the core of your being. that is the most important thing to know. if you have that, the other things will fall into place."

i truly believe it will. it will be ok.

and i can tell you, too, if you're reading this, that it will.

not that you won't lose your money or your home or your loved ones or your family. or even your own life.

but that no matter what happens, the balance will come back.

that it will be ok. that you will find a way to thrive despite all the external shifts and changes. and i truly believe that in every horrible, devastating earth-shattering situation, you will find some great truth and meaning for yourself.

every time, i fall through that glass floor and i am lying sliced open amidst the shards, something bigger and more important comes through the wounds.

it will be good.