possibility

after a week of psycho drama lows - i am emerging!

i spent last night meditating on loving my exhusband. not lust. not IN LOVE. just pure love. for him with all his weaknesses. and strengths. even though i don't always see them.

it's insane to assume that someone will appreciate you for what you do. i think women do this often. beat themselves into a pulp doing things for people and getting angry when the person doesn't care.

so i decided i just have to love james the way he is.

he is the sort of person people give things to. people want to look after him. people want to hand him stuff - cars, fishing rods, apartments, checks.

he doesn't appreciate it - i mean he is incredibly gracious and says thank you beautifully - but two minutes later, he's forgotten. he just thinks he deserves it.

he told me that he believed artists were performing a service to society and for that reason, they should be respected and given money.

interesting.

anyway, that is just james.

can't be angry about it. it works for him.

now all of a sudden, i am not mad.

and a friend called with a brilliant way out.

let's see if i can make it work.