there are moments when i hate my teenaged daughter. sometimes both of them. when i feel so exhausted and enraged i feel like going in there like freddie kruger from friday the 13th. (i hope i have my villains right).
because there are all these books written on adolescence and the stuff they go through. and it's true, it is hard to separate from your parents and forge your own identity and independence. but i swear to god, it is hard on a mum.
maybe even harder than it is for them. because you don't have any excuses. you HAVE to behave like an adult. even when you are screaming at them through clenched teeth to keep from throttling them.
it is so tiring to go out and have every bit of your outfit picked to shreds, then your body (and please, i am a lumpy and getting lumpier everyday, 45 year-old), then your way of speaking, your political attitudes. i am single and have two extremely antagonistic ex-husbands and a sharp-eyed mother and i'm not quite sure how much more battering my ego can take.
the amazons are with their dad this weekend and it's such an incredible relief. because one is scattered and disorganized and constantly changing her plans - which throws off everyone else. and the other is so angry and insecure and unhappy that she can't help taking it out on everyone around her. every meal becomes an exercise in diplomacy.
eating out is worse. we can't come to a decision on a restaurant and if we do, one kid decides she just wants to stay home. no one wants to walk the dog before we go. unless i run around in a whirlwind, tidying up before we leave, the process of leaving involves changing outfits 3 or 4 times, leaving shoes and bags in their wake, that i will have to clean up when i stumble in on my return.
walking down the sidewalk, where their humiliation of a mother is exposed to the world in the bare light of day, they begin to point out how hideous my shoes are and how badly my dress fits me ("no offense"). and, "oh no, noooo you are NOT walking around in that hat."
if i say something, the idiocy of my opinion is immediately pointed out. because the health teacher in school said, "you can't say things like that. i can't even be friends with you anymore..."
it's amazing i managed to make it this far without their help.
so are you there, god? can you take them back for a few years?