2 amazons @ 9 North Moore St.

the amazons have started a rock band.

it was really a matter of time. when my third daughter was born, my friend hilton als gave a me a card that said, "congratulations, you have a girl group."

zarina started singing before she could really speak. i remember her, at a year-and-a-quarter, shaking her head back and forth on the changing table and making noises.

i said, "zarina, what's that?"

she looked at me and said, as most toddlers do, something unintelligible. i asked her a few more times before i understood what she was trying to say: "elmo song!"

rara started playing music on a box with rubber bands on it, we had to record a whole series of her songs. from there, she graduated to a ukelele and eventually, a guitar. despite being forced to take piano lessons in between, she returned to the guitar.

here they are - zarina and rara on vocals, rara on guitar.

the rest is, as they say, history...

note to zach vella and foundations group, real people live here.

11 N Moore St - Zach Vella and Saif Sumaida Update

i don't have money or influence, but at least i can write (or type into my laptop)! thanks to tribeca citizen and curbedny, my blogpost about having my kids' bedrooms flooded by a developer got real attention.

i discovered this when i ran into zach vella on my street last saturday.

it was one of those hideous, freezing weekend mornings (rara had had a sleepover the night before and no one got any sleep). i'd gone out to walk the dog in uggs with polar fleece over my pajamas, eyes puffy, coconut oil slathered on my face and my big furry hat to hide under. convinced myself i'd dash in and out without seeing anyone.

of course, zach was out too. i contemplated running inside and putting on mascara, especially since i heard he was a reality real estate tv star, on the million dollar listing. (on the trailer says, a broker says, "zach vella is great, great developer!")

"hi... zach!" i said.

zach glared at me, "you have some nerve! all that stuff you wrote on your blog about me and my kid - now you're talking to me?"

i felt guilty because it's not fair to blame the entire debacle on zach vella. it's just that it's his project and he lives right next door so i thought i could actually talk to him. i figured he was the boss.

me: actually, i didn't write anything terrible about you personally. i just wondered why you didn't return my phone calls or my emails. your construction crew flooded my apartment and then you guys disappeared.

zv: look, i'm not trying to pass the buck, but it's not my problem. i mean, i hired a construction company and it's really their job to deal with it.

me: but it is your project, isn't it? you're the boss.

zv: of course, i'm the boss. but it's not appropriate for me to deal with it... you're ruining my life with your blog. i mean, i have to live here. 

i guess it's like blaming the social security administration on the president. he's the boss but he's not the guy who writes the checks, i think that's what he was saying.


he was unshaven and wearing a sleek black nylon jacket with lots of zippers and kept putting his hands in and out of the pockets. (if it had been another moment, i would have asked where he bought it). i hate confrontation anyway and he looked so unhappy. there was a big black SUV parked across the street waiting for him and the woman who was in the car kept yelling for him to hurry up.

me: i have to live here too. i am a single mother, recovering from cancer, all i'm asking is for you to do the right thing... like return my calls or my emails... or the notes i've left with your doorman. i am supersensitive to mold.

zv: you know, i spoke to my lawyers...

i thought he'd spoken to his lawyers about how to resolve it, but he went on to say that he'd spoken to his lawyers about suing me for defamation of character.

he added that he didn't think it was legal for me to live there anyway.

then he tapped on the window of another enormous SUV. "excuse me, why are you parked here?" the driver assured him he was just waiting for someone in the building.

me: you can't sue me for defamation - i didn't write anything negative about you. i just said, you looked perfectly nice and then you didn't respond.

(wait - was his idea that if he could prove my living conditions were illegal, he could destroy them with impunity? i was trying desperately not to be judgemental.)


zv: well, there are a lot of people who don't like me for different reasons. i mean, i had a business partner and it didn't work out and we parted ways and he's not happy with the way it went, and then i got divorced... people use the opportunity to post comments about me.

me: that's just the nature of the internet. people use the anonymity to say things that they'd be embarrassed to say themselves*.

(the really funny thing is that now zach - or one of his friends - now posts DAILY anonymous posts on my blog about my divorce debacle or my being a muslim. i smile every time. i was deleting them but i'm getting tired of it.)

anyway, the conversation ended with zach taking my cell phone number and promising to call saif sumaida, his muslim contractor.

on wednesday, when i hadn't heard anything, i emailed zach and saif myself. i said how relieved i was to talk to zach in person and that i hoped we could resolve it.

saif sumaida emailed immediately. he said he hadn't heard a word from zach. he sounded sincere in wanting to resolve the issue. he asked me for the list of the damages.

i told him i greatly appreciated his having sent me a check for a little over $3,000 but the costs were more like $40,000 if we did a professional mold removal and then a re-build.

which we JUST did less than a year ago.


he told me he wanted to help me. he told me to be patient because the insurance company was handling it. "these things take time..."

when i explained that, during that time (three months and counting), three girls had to live there,
he kindly offered to give me a check for a few of the damages. he said the best he could do was $5,000 out of his own pocket, if i would just sign a small release that held him and his company blameless for all past and future damage.

saif said he'd come over and inspect the place himself. 

the release was a little odd because he sent it along with a copy of my itemized list of damages, slightly improved on a little excell spreadsheet.

honestly, i'd  be thrilled to meet him but i asked what he wanted to see in the apartment since i was running around last week.

i said, i can't sign that release. i guess i'll just have to sue you for the costs. my apartment is getting moldy.

(i guess i'll keep calling the dept of buildings. every week, the DoB sends a person out who looks around, tells me that the contractors have filed a claim with their insurance so there's nothing more to be done and writes ME a violation for my apartment being moldy.)

saif sumaida emailed back: Good Luck.

on friday, more water poured in to the basement of our building... the power of my pen seems to have been short lived.

wonder what happened next? not at all what i expected, the crying game

The C-Word: friends, family and other disasters

one of my most vivid cancer memories is checking my cellphone midway through a chemotherapy session and seeing a text from my friend and upstairs neighbor: "your kids seem to be having a party."

ah. when faced with a parent-free home on the weekend, what would most teenagers do?

when i was first diagnosed with cancer, my teenagers were on the cusp of adolescent fever. sasha was 16, but gentle, sweet and cautious. zarina was just 13 and wearing the array of party dresses she'd accumulated for her year of bar and bat mitzvahs. jahanara was 9 and babied by her older sisters. (fortunately, she was at her father's house that night).

the party went on to be a complete bust. they smuggled in a 6-pack of mike's hard lemonade (a small amount of vodka watered down with sugary lemonade). one young friend knocked back a fifth of vodka and collapsed on the floor.

which had the slightly positive result of adults barging in to get him to a doctor and breaking it all up.

that was just the beginning. all the teenagers spun out of control for a little while. they were so angry and desperately attached to me at the same time.

the point of this story is that when you get cancer, the reactions of the people around you are completely unpredictable.

just when you most need your kids to be dependable, they act out. when you need your parents or aunts and uncles to love you unconditionally, they point out the reasons (they believe) you got cancer in the first place. some friends rise beautifully to the occasion, some acquaintances turn into confidants, some vanish.



now i address two audiences...

one: you are a person currently has cancer or some other debilitating illness or

two: you are a friend or family member of a person (i hope just one at a time) struggling with cancer or other debilitating illness or circumstance.



ONE, you're in it. you're the cancer sufferer.

yes, it's intense, probably the most overwhelming experience in your life. it's hard not to be cross with your friends when they get to get up and walk out of the hospital room back to real life.

they get to wash their hands, leave and get a coffee at starbucks or get in the car and drive home. their bodies probably don't ache and they can move their arms and legs comfortably and eat everything they want without feeling sick.

what i was most envious of my friends when i was sick was their control over their lives. all those choices and options. when you are really sick, you end up having to hand over control to everyone else. it's like being a baby. most of the time, you are grateful for the help. but sometimes, you just want to get up and make your own dinner just the way you like it. sometimes, you are sick of the way your caretaker makes a stir fry every single night because she can't think of what else to do with all the vegetables you need to eat.
here's what you need to do:

remember that people WANT to help you. be gentle with them.

1. when they ask you if they can help, give them specific tasks.

an errand - "would you mind stopping at wholefoods and getting me more fresh turmeric root or some dark chocolate?"

a meal - ask them to cook or bring you something you are dying to eat. in order to avoid disappointment, be clear. say, "i can't eat dairy or i hate okra or thyme is my least favorite herb" (those are all my issues). or be even more specific, point them in the direction of a recipe or restaurant you like.

babysitting - take your kids shoeshopping or out to lunch or the movies. sometimes, when their parent is sick, the home can feel a little oppressive to them. they need light and air. it's good to get them out and laughing. just tell your friend not to get all heavy with them.

organizing - personally, i LOVE people to come and open my mail and throw away all the junk and file all the bills. or put all the books in the bookshelf properly. or open the cupboards in the kitchen and put the plates and bowls in order. i love it even more if they don't make comments about my sloppiness or financial insolvency at the same time.

phone calls - if a friend can't come visit or is too faraway, you could ask them to make calls for you. maybe ask them to return a bunch of phone messages, or help you research something, or call your dry cleaner or the electric company or anywhere you can't (or you're too tired to) email.

any of these are so much more useful and less expensive than a half-wilted bunch of flowers from the supermarket.

2. don't get irritated when they don't do things the way you want.

everyone is frightened and trying to do the best they can. actually, this is good advice any time anyone who loves you does something for you. if you are a control freak like me or you are feeling anxious while you are sick, this is very hard to do.

sometimes your exhusband is going to buy them shoes that are highly impractical, your boyfriend is going to forget the organic coconut water, your mum is going to cook the broccoli til its soggy, your friend is going to bring you ginger rather than turmeric root and you just have to say, "thank you."

because they all deserve acknowledgement and love for their efforts. and just because they do things differently, doesn't mean that they do things wrong.

in other words, maybe you really NEEDED ginger (very good for nausea) and you didn't realize it.

breathe. be grateful.

3. be loving with the friends and family members who disappear. or behave badly.

one of the amazons said, "i hope you get cancer all over your body and die." some friends dropped off the face of the earth.

it is so scary. so incredibly scary to watch someone you really care about getting very weak or thin or losing their hair. if the sick person is one's parent, imagine how scary it is to lose the person who is meant to look after you, especially when you are not ready for it.

remember that everyone is processing information in their own way. that we are all in different stages of evolution. and that you never know what is happening in your friend's personal life, or what happened in his or her personal history that is activated by your illness.

your illness is a difficult circumstance. the person's reaction now doesn't negate any of your history. and it probably means that he or she still loves you, she just has her own stuff to cope with.

if your friend or family member uses the opportunity of your cancer to "punish" you for some perceived mistakes in your life, remember that he/she is doing that because he's invested in you in some way.

breathe. it's all about love. and fear.

you need to use the former to get over the latter.

that can mean faith - choose whichever one speaks to you - use Love or God or Universal Intelligence to focus on the bigger picture, to put it all into perspective. in my case, it meant Sufi chanting, repeating the name of God endlessly on a string of beads.

try and stay connected to Source. that energy coursing through you will help you be transcendant. don't get pulled down into anyone else's struggle.

day-to-day anxiety and tension is part of the reason you got sick to begin with. so if they start to get to you, fly away. even if it's just in spirit.

keep breathing.

TWO, you are a friend or family member.

1. please come and visit.

especially in the hospital during chemotherapy. chemotherapy, for most people, means sitting for hours or days in a chair or a bed with an i.v. attached to your arm. sometimes it burns terribly as it goes in. sometimes it makes you dizzy or nauseated. if you are near enough to spare an hour or two, please come and tell the person jokes while they are confined. it can get lonely and tedious.

sometimes, the person getting chemo can't see properly, so don't bring anything too complicated, but a silly video on an ipad or a laptop is great. or come and sit beside the person and distract them with funny stories or gossip. if you're really stuck, get some of those stupid celebrity magazines they have in the nail salon. you can laugh about kim kardashian's outfit or speculate on whether jessica chastain is jealous of jennifer lawrence. anything superficial and idiotic is a relief.

in the hospital, one lies there waiting for their insipid meals, so it's wonderful to have someone come to hang out with you. maybe bring something fun from outside, like slipper socks to wear from the bed to the bathroom. or a really nice organic hand lotion or a box of organic blueberries.

2. please be a little flexible.

when one gets home from chemo, one feels horrid. it's exhausting. one just wants to get into one's own bed and lie quietly. no conversation. i liked company on my up days, but i also had lots to do because i only had three days a week when i could walk around outside and not feel awful or drained.

so what i mean is - try to find out which days are better for visiting. maybe email or text your friend or his/her caretaker to get a sense of the rhythm of things.

if you come over and your friend isn't there, drop off your gift or card and don't get your feelings hurt. or if you come over and your friend just doesn't feel like seeing someone, just come another time.

when you come to someone's home, don't stay for too long. your friend gets tired easily. leave before you notice her/him fading.

3. don't telephone.

personally, i found it really difficult to talk on the phone. it made me dizzy and nauseated. i am not sure if all people undergoing chemo have that reaction, but if the electromagnetic rays from cellphones are still being questioned, why add one more thing?

on other hand, if the person has a normal landline, maybe he/she likes talking on the phone. i didn't mind it in hospital at all.

4. come over and help.

ask if you can take the kids out for the afternoon. do a load of laundry. wash the dishes in the sink.

ask, but don't ask too much. it's embarrassing to ask for help, even if you are weak and sick. just look around and see what needs to be done. maybe ask if you could sort out the books in the bookshelf (see above) or fold and organize all the sheets and towels in the linen closet.

you could check if the apartment has all the basics, like cooking foil and plastic wrap (necessary evils), napkins, toilet paper and paper towels, eggs, milk - whatever the regular stuff is - and replenish and put away the stuff that's missing.

maybe you can help with some bookkeeping or cook dinner (just don't leave a gourmet-sized stack of pots and pans and double-boilers).

5.  listen

whatever you do, remember that the person who is sick has lost some control over his/her life. try and help your friend or family member get some back. he/she might be irritable or very picky about how he/she wants things. it's not just general unreasonableness, it's frustration.

so ask what they want and follow the instructions no matter how ridiculous.

let your friend vent. yes, of course, there are people in the world who have it worse. and you might have great ideas for your friend. but unless, he/she expresses an interest in those ideas, don't push it.

6. make them smile

if your friend is now bald and weighs 80 pounds, common wisdom says, don't comment on their appearance. personally, i preferred people being honest. the jokes about being hairless or looking like a space monkey or whatever cheered me up.

i felt like, at least they said what they were REALLY thinking. when someone said, "oh my gosh, you look great!" i never trusted them again. unless, the friend qualified it by telling me how much better i looked since i started juicing or acupuncture or whatever.

laughter is great for your immune system. just like in the hospital, tell your friend some funny stories. bring really silly dvds - though be careful you don't offend their sensibilities. since my brain was working at half-speed, i needed to watch idiotic stuff. i used to love witty humor. after chemo, i liked slapstick.

7. whatever you do, stay in touch.

if all you can do is call, call. if you stop by to visit and he/she's out for a walk, just leave a note. it makes a difference. having people around you helps you heal faster and better.

don't let your friend feel like she's in it alone.

8. it's not over til it's really over.

it can take a long time to recover from cancer. you have to recover physically, emotionally, socially, financially.

be gentle.

your friend can probably use a bit of extra support for some time. if you missed the chemo/radiation treatment part, you still have a couple of years to make up for it.

the c-word: the immaterial girl & zach vella

see the tiny building on the right, that's where i live. the big glass one on the left is imaginary but its already causing havoc.

typical nyc story - an ordinary person versus a real estate mogul. a developer (zach vella, who also ended becoming my next door neighbor), in the process of building a new property, damages a nearby property. i met zach because his little boy, with regal air, was telling all the other little kids on the sidewalk that HIS dad owned the whole building.

zach looks so nice, doesn't he?

zach apologized for his son and walked over and looked at my apartment. we even had a conversation about his possibly renting it as a sales office or buying the whole thing and attaching it to the new building.

it's difficult, on our cramped little island, to build. but when you are building apartments that sell for $6 million on the low end, you might be careful of your neighbors (especially single mothers recovering from cancer with already stretched incomes and tiny apartments).

on november 8, i came home to MY kids' room 6 inches' deep in muddy water, so i pulled on my big yellow boots and ran screaming into the building site next door.

the site supervisor and a bunch of guys came in and apologized and promised to pay for everything they destroyed.

they also promised to come and help clean up. i didn't realize how often this happens. (like the story of this photographer in chelsea), i believed them and i was still being nice.

rara's bedroom entrance and my famous yellow rubber boots

needless to say, two days' later, i was on my hands and knees with a bucket of hot water and some mold killing product, scraping the mud off the floor.  i basically spent an entire weekend, with some help from the housekeeper and the amazons, without seeing daylight. two laptops were totally submerged, one filled with college applications in-process.

this whole floor was replaced last january.

no one showed up.

a few days' later, i had a pleasant conversation with jim longson, at zach vella's company. he was kind, friendly and reassuring. he told me they would "make me whole." he suggested i hire mold remediators immediately and told me simply to send them all the bills.

i did. but after that, jim longson didn't take my calls. two weeks' later, he sent me an email suggesting i call my home owner's insurance. i called good old state farm. the adjuster came over and spoke to the site supervisor who told him he thought the water came in through the sidewalk. fortunately for me, my condo policy specifically says they do not cover water that comes in through the sidewalk. or the foundation of my building. the contractor, saif sumaida, whose company, foundations group, is doing the work had someone tell me that they had informed their insurance. charles iulo, a guy who worked for him, reiterated that they would do nothing, but he did say, "i urge you to contact your insurance."

here's family man, saif, who doesn't return my calls either.

in the meantime, the water shortcircuited the electricity downstairs which meant the pump died and the toilet waste emptied into the shower turning the entire downstairs into a giant, reeking cesspool.

in staten island, days after sandy, i walked past one home after the other with the mudsoaked contents spilling out on to the sidewalk, enormous piles of the stuff of 21st-century lives. wet clothes, plastic toys, dishwashers, washing machines, refrigerators, books, artwork. it slid down into the mud and channels of water mixed with sewage that filled the roads.

i was so grateful that i had escaped the storm, that i went to staten island to rip out drywall turned to putty by water, empty out bathrooms, pull off baseboard and wallpaper. the stench and the pervading damp seemed to permeate my body for days afterwards. and the mud seemed impossible to remove from my coat and boots.

helping people in staten island, coney island and rockaway made the transience of objects and the fragility of our lives so much clearer. i wanted to get rid of everything i owned.

so, of course, i was given an easy way to do that. three days after my electricity and internet was restored, my most precious things were destroyed.

all the beautiful indian clothes - the old brocades that my grandmother had bought back when my grandfather was indian ambassador to japan, that had made my wedding gharara, the lehngas and saris and ghararas that had been stored in a steamer trunk for safekeeping - were drenched and soaked in mud. the stuffed toys and mementos that i had saved from their infancy (you know, the baby clothes sasha came home from the hospital in, the leopard that zarina gave rara when her head was cracked) not to mention their current clothes and homework and shoes, and the floor was buckled.

all these clothes were destroyed. i can't afford to pick up the rest from the drycleaner.

what is worse, of course, is the mold. which makes the girls cough all night unless the air purifier is blasting into their bedrooms and the dehumidifier along with the allergen killing blue light is on 24-hours' a day.

even my doctor at memorial sloan kettering says i need to get out of there. mold is especially bad for people who've had chemotherapy.

i've called the department of buildings repeatedly, i've spoken to community board one, to the new state attorney general's office, julie menin who is running for manhattan borough president, and no one seems to be able to do anything.

i went to see a very impressive and reassuring lawyer, adam leitman bailey, who said, "it's an open-and-shut case. they admitted liability. they realize they don't have to do anything. you just need to show them, they can't ignore the little guy." he was happy to take on the case. unfortunately, he required a $10,000 retainer. gulp.

one kid in college, another one starting in september and two years' worth of bills a mile high.

i tried to hit up a client who hadn't paid me for a couple of years, no luck.

AUGH. in the meantime, in what seems like an anachronistic paradigm, the new york city real estate industry celebrates its moneymaking heroes, like zach vella. isn't conscious capitalism the new buzz word?

so here's what happened next: amazons of nyc: 11 N Moore St - Zach Vella and Saif Sumaida Update

The C-Word: Laura Kepshire and Brennan Healing Science

if you are facing cancer, you know that it affects so much more than your physical body. (and, if you're coming along with me on this ride, you're realizing that it probably started, like so many other illnesses, in the tensions and anxieties and emotional states you've been through recently).

cancer, as it progresses, shakes your sense of self, uproots your belief system and your character and makes you question the people around you. that's why brennan and other energetic healing methods were so interesting to me, though i only experienced the brennan method personally after my cancer was "cured" or at least in remission.

in my case, i'd spent months focused internally. eating, drinking, thinking my body and spirit well. one good thing about having cancer (there's not a lot) is that you get an all-access pass. as horrid as you feel, you work it (though i can say from experience it does not work when a policeman is writing you a parking ticket).

when the cancer's gone, you have to open your eyes and face the devastation - the piles of unpaid bills and taxes, health insurance, things that are lost and broken including your career and/or your love life, your emotionally-drained kids and family members - and your support group tends to move on.

people who weren't around much when things were all crazy don't get that you are still in shock and wandering around in a daze. so all those people expect you to act like the same old person you were. when you are still so fragile, that can break you.

it was in the midst of this time that the anxiety got so overwhelming, i was scared i would get sick again. that was when a friend mentioned a brennan healer to me. she told me how great it made her feel and suggested i try it.

barbara brennan was a NASA physicist who, along with a UCLA-trained engineer turned healer and psychic, rosalyn bruyere, started exploring the energy fields surrounding the human body.

what brennan found was that it was possible to manipulate those energy fields, using light touch, and another person's own energy. the brennan practitioners use the language of ayurveda and buddhism when speaking about energies - referring to your chakras and auras. they manipulate these energy fields to "unblock" and release old issues that may be keeping your body and spirit from moving forwards.

laura kepshire is an incredible and very beautiful Brennan healer. she has worked wonders on many people i know, amongst them, me.

brennan healing is an especially good CAM, as they refer to it in the memorial sloan kettering literature. because you do it fully dressed, lying on a massage table, and the practitioner barely touches you, it needn't interfere with your chemo or radiation or recovery from surgery.

and because it activates your own immune system, it can help traditional cancer treatments work harder. it can also help mitigate the unpleasant side effects of chemo and radiation.

last of all, because it unblocks "stuck" energy or releases past trauma, there are those who say it can - along with diet, exercise and your arsenal of healers - cure you from illnesses all together.

one brilliant thing that a brennan healing session does is make you think about the message in your cancer. basically, any time you get sick, it's a message from your body and your spirit. for example, if you run yourself ragged, you get a flu. clearly, your body is telling you - stop, take a rest, sleep all day and get some more vitamin C and D. if you lose your temper, your blood pressure goes up. if you lose your temper too often or too easily, the inflammation from the constant surge of blood and heat in your body will cause other issues. the message is, breathe, calm down. focus on the important things.

since cancer is such a major systemic illness, there is probably a big message in there. think about it.

what struck me most about laura is that she walked in drinking a coffee (gasp) with milk (swallow) and most shocking - eating a muffin!

first of all, if you are a hardcore health fanatic like me, you rarely touch coffee - caffeine causes inflammation and can irritate the stomach lining - or dairy products - more inflammation, plus the mucus-causing issues - and, when it comes to wheat or sugar, never!

in laura's case, it was even more shocking as she had suffered from rheumatoid arthritis that was once so debilitating she couldn't walk. here she was breezily sipping her coffee and eating her muffin.

when i asked her about it, she laughed and told me that once she had unblocked the anger in her body, much of the inflammation disappeared, along with the arthritis. she said she no longer had to worry about dealing with the symptoms.

in the brennan healing science approach, the root of the illness is the energy blockage and the illness itself is the symptom.

when i experienced the treatment, i felt brilliant colored waves of energy rushing through my body like water. i came out relaxed and relieved. the tension that hummed through my body had gone quiet.

since i was not in the throes of an illness, i could only afford two treatments - along with my organic vegetables, juices, supplements, acupuncture, massages, nutritionists and other healers - it was all getting expensive. and i still had to feed the amazons!

i wasn't able to experience its effects on a long-term basis. however, i have spoken to people who've had great success with it.

there are brennan healers all over the country. if it seems like an approach that would work for you, call one. they will usually give you a free consultation.

here is laura's information:

For more information on Brennan Healing Science and pricing contact me at: +1.646.283.3265, or by email at lkepshire@gmail.com

just remember, if you really want to get well, you will. you just have to find the best way to get yourself there. 

The C-Word: Energy, Acupuncture & Mona Chopra

here's the point: acupuncture works.

even the national institutes of health, memorial sloan kettering and the american cancer society recognize it in the fight against cancer.

people are always asking me about combining alternative and natural healing with chemotherapy, surgery, radiation and other allopathic (or western) healing methods.

i believe it can - and should be done - but with this caveat:

most other modalities - i.e., more natural healing methods - are about dealing with the bigger picture. they are about looking at each person's personality, habits, character traits, life choices. so when they help you heal, they are less focused on the symptoms of your body's imbalance - it's often called "dis-ease" - and more on helping you return to a state of balance.

i apologize for being simplistic here. please skip over all these explanations if you've read them a thousand times.

in western medicine, one takes a pill or has a treatment, and one sees immediate results. a simple example - you take an advil and within an hour or so, your headache is gone. it is symptomatic problem-solving. the symptom is gone, but often we don't address what the underlying issue, i.e., the stress, lack of sleep, allergies or whatever, that caused the headache in the first place. however, even mainstream (western, allopathic) medicine has begun to realize that with more serious symptoms, one needs to make a commitment to healing them.

this means a lifestyle change - managing your tension or anxiety, changing your diet, re-thinking the way you exercise, taking supplements and making sure you get sufficient sleep and rest to recharge the system.*

alternative healing works by activating your body's own immune system. the goal is to stimulate all your organs and defenses to get your body back to normal. it's based on the idea that your body is designed to heal and regenerate itself.

the self-restoring ability is obvious for minor things - you cut your nails or hair and they grow back, you cut your skin and it forms a scab and then heals itself. you get the flu or a cold or pimples or an upset stomach. more often then not - you rest, wash, hydrate, eat well and give your body the tools it needs to resolve the issues on its own - and you restore yourself.

the reason many alternative healers struggle with traditional chemotherapy and/or radiation is that they work on the opposite principle. they rush in and kill the cancer cells, but they also weaken or suppress your body's innate healing systems. with too much outside force, your body gives up the effort.

the processes in your body that are designed to fight become too weak to do anything. it's sort of like wearing spanx instead of strengthening your core muscles. it's an instant fix, but as soon as you pop yourself out of it, you're even more lumpy than before. if you wear it everyday, your stomach muscles just give up the ghost and flab all over the place. (this is why i do pilates).

there is also some concern that while chemotherapy and radiation may stop the cancer outbreak, it leaves the cancer stem cells which may regenerate and cause a proliferation of new tumors. (they are supposedly working on a vaccine for this, but in the meantime, women need to think of alternatives).

i see this often in people who had chemotherapy and/or radiation for breast cancer. within a few years develop, my friends have developed metastasis in their bones or more virulent cancers in their lymph nodes.

mona chopra is an amazing acupuncturist and intuitive healer. she was one of the first people who thought i might have something more serious than early menopause (which was what my tribeca ob-gyn, austin chen, insisted) and also helped me through meningitis, stress and a rare liver virus. in every case, i recovered almost "miraculously" - fast and completely.

if i had anything at all wrong with me, mona chopra would be one of the first people i would call, not least because she appears to be the calmest person i know. just being around her calm aura has a soothing effect.

mona explains what happens in an acupuncture treatment.

ideally, you come into the acupuncturist's office, after you've had something to eat or drink because it is key that you are hydrated. mona looks at your tongue. she writes down what she notices about the surface of your tongue. apparently, your tongue has a lot of information about the way your body is processing things.

next, she takes your pulse. in chinese medicine, they take one's pulse from several different places. again, these pulse rates give her information on the strength of the energy meridiens.

as in the intake process of many natural health practitioners, while you wait, you fill out a long, detailed questionnaire.  the answers show, amongst other things, how you deal with stress. not surprisingly, stress and tension cause a lot of imbalance. you are also asked about your diet, your exercise routine, your sleep patterns, allergies, your temper and a lot of other things that could affect your health.

then you lie down on a massage table-type of thing. if the energy points to be stimulated are on your torso or higher up your arms and legs, you might undress - the same way you would for a massage.

if your points are only on your hands and feet, you might just roll up your cuffs and sleeves. personally, since one lies on the table for 40 minutes, i find it is more comfortable to undress and lie under a blanket. i always get so relaxed i fall asleep during acupuncture.

next, come the much-dreaded needles. as gigantic and scary as the acupuncture needles appear on the tray, they are so incredibly thin that most people can't even feel them as they are inserted.

my own experience has been one of a minute electrical shock as my nerves register the needle. then i feel sensation of tingling warmth as the needle stimulates my energy and circulation. in my case, i have never felt any pain from an acupuncture needle.

once the needles are in place, mona covers the patient with a weightless space blanket or a sheet. then the patient lies quietly on the table for 30 to 40 minutes while the needles do their work.

another acupuncturist i went to see, ming jin, is also extremely talented and subtle and has helped a number of my friends successfully. she has her patients given a 30-minute massage before the acupuncture. in that way, one is melted into pliable bliss even before the treatment.

gynecological cancers, especially in their early stages, seem to be effectively helped by acupuncture and chinese medicine. even if you have not been diagnosed with cancer, acupuncture - along with lifestyle and diet changes - can prevent the energy blocks that lower your resistence. releasing these blocks can help your body stay balanced even in times of crisis or stress.

the side effects of chemotherapy and radiation, including nausea, fatigue and neuropathy can often be alleviated with regular acupuncture. an acupuncturist might also prescribe chinese herbs or supplements to energize and protect the immune system or "good" cells. the acupuncture can also help strengthen the immune system so that it is not as depleted by the chemotherapy or radiation. in my case, regular acupuncture post-chemotherapy was extremely effective in ending the chemo hot flashes, as well as returning sensation to my hands and feet.

if you can find the funds, and a good referral, acupuncture is a solid investment in your ongoing health and recovery. many acupuncture schools offer low-cost treatment options. if you and your acupuncturist decide you should see each once a week or more, quite often he or she may help you come to a more affordable rate.

as you put together your team of healers, an acupuncturist is powerful presence.



*my mother is always arguing that we have been eating and living the same way for centuries and that's what her mother did so why flit around with every new trend?

my answer is multifold. one, our lives are so more stressful and we all know what stress does to one's body so we need to be gentler.

two, the world has changed. we grow and process food differently and that has affected the chemicals in the food which affects our bodies differently. (we've all seen what happened to the rats fed GMO corn for two years).

three, we are now subjected to magnetic fields as never before: cell phones, wireless devices, computer screens all give off rays that we have yet to understand, but we do know they are speeding up the ageing process.

and four, as we get older, our machinery becomes less efficient. what we could process easily at the age of 8, we can't always at 16 and by the time we get to be 35 or 45, we need to work harder to operate at optimum levels. it's like a great vintage car. it might look and run like new, but we need to put the work in to keep it like that.

The C-Word: The Power of the Mind, Trudy Beers

today, i interviewed a well-known hypnotist called trudy beers. (i apologize, i will edit it, i swear - but i was excited to share it, i thought i'd go back and edit it later. )

trudy beers is in her mid-50s and lives an old school sun-filled loft in tribeca. there are no crystal balls or taxidermed alligators, just lots of certificates that prove she's the real thing. she's been practicing hypnosis, reiki and the power of suggestion for about 40 years. when i was in the midst of my chemotherapy, another friend of mine who had recovered from breast cancer recommended i go to her.

my friend, who had radiation for her cancer, gave me these words of wisdom:

"you have to stay positive and you MUST believe in your complete recovery."

hypnosis operates on the theory that your mind controls your body. if you commit yourself, mind-body-soul, to your recovery and wellbeing, you will get there. it's similar to the way athletes prepare themselves for strenuous events, sort of like psyching yourself up.

everyone - including allopathic doctors and nurses - has experienced the way in which an emotional crisis of some kind precipitates an illness. so why can't the opposite - meaning, a resolution of that crisis - start one's body on the process of healing.

one drawback with mind healing, like most kinds of faith, is that if you get lazy or tired or let doubts creep in, you begin to slide. you need to convince yourself that you are well and then your subconscious mind will convince your body. hypnosis works on your subconscious to help you stay focused (and stubbornly attached) to your goal of returning to a balanced state. hypnotists should give you a tape or cd or mp3 to listen to as you fall asleep at night so that you can program your subconscious to keep you on track.

keep in mind is that every kind of healing process requires a multi-pronged approach. as trudy says, "it takes a village..." the more serious and more entrenched the illness, the more ways in which one needs to support one's body and mind in the process. so you still need to be conscious about eating clean, organic, healthy foods, you need to find ways in which to exercise - or maybe get regular massages - to stimulate your circulation and your organs. you still need to drink fresh vegetable juices.

honestly, it seems there is no easy way out. if you want to recover from cancer or any other serious illness - if you really want to - you can, but you will have to work like crazy.

like any other practitioner, she will tell you what i keep saying (not that i am always successful at this myself), you have to give up sugar. this means ALL sugar. cane sugar, white flour, white potatoes, alcohol... depending on how bad your cancer is, you might have to give up fructose as well, which means fruit and potatoes, all types of grains, and absolutely anything your body could turn into sugar to feed those hungry cancer cells. personally, i felt that while my cancer was active, i should give up caffeine as well, because there was no need to speed anything up.

hypnosis does work in tandem with standard western treatment for cancer. the idea is that your mind can help you steel your body against the destructive nature of the therapies.

i've tried various mind-body games myself. like, while getting my blood pressure taken at the doctor's office, i imagine i am on the beach. i zone out and feel the sun on my forehead, turn the office noise into the sound of the waves. i can bring my blood pressure and my pulse down really fast.

i've also gotten my blood pressure taken when i am still fuming over some argument or frustration and watched it shoot up, so i know it's possible.

try it yourself. walk on to the subway platform on a really hot day and keep thinking about being cold. imagine icy places. keep telling yourself you are chilled and - if you focus - you can really keep yourself cool for ten minutes or so. i haven't been able to do it for longer than that, but maybe with practice.

the goal of hypnosis or suggestion is to help you release psychological blocks - the emotional remains of unhappy incidents in your life - and return calmer to your day-to-day life. according to chinese medicine - and a lot of spiritual healers - breast cancer is connected to women's romantic relationships and lung cancer to grief and sadness - so these cancers might be an especially receptive to emotional unblocking.

in a lot of ways, it's similar to prayer. the idea is to separate, to forgive and to lift your spirit to a higher level.

the way trudy works is this: you contact her and do a phone consultation. then she sends potential patients a 12-page questionnaire she calls her "intake form."

the questionnaire goes into great detail about your personality, your tastes, your styles, your character traits. are you patient? are you easily distracted? you list what disappoints you, what irritates you and what pleases you. i found it very similar to what acupuncturists, homeopaths and naturopaths ask you to fill out. the idea being that your personality or habits tend to affect the way your body gets ill and also the way it gets well.

a good hypnotist reads your intake form and spends some time processing the information so that, by the time you get to your appointment, she feels like she knows your starting point.

in trudy's case, an appointment takes about three hours. after going through your challenges and your intake form together, you eventually end up on a cozy chaise longue with your eyes closed. a trance state is like a deep meditation. you feel like you are almost asleep - you know that feeling - you are just drifting off, the world is starting to recede. you can hear the voices in the background, but you are not quite listening because you float in and out of dream states.

for me, i feel like this at the end of the yoga class, when i am lying on the mat in shavasena, totally relaxed and listening to the teacher. (personally, i often fall completely asleep here as well, but i am a tired, stressed-out single mum.)

trudy leads your subconscious mind to release what she identifies as the four negative or blocking emotions - fear, shame, guilt and anger. in the relaxed trance-state, apparently, one is happy to give them up. one leaves feeling lighter and freer.

then she gives you a recording of the session to listen to every night as you go to sleep. eventually, your subconscious starts to act on the suggestion that is programmed into your mind.

according to trudy, you will just need a single session to get the process started. then your own mind and body takes over.

is it worth the $400-500 fee? as trudy says, "it's worth ALL your money to stay well. you won't need the money if you go." i haven't tried it myself but, as i said, i know that trudy has had a lot of success, especially with breast cancer.

on the other hand, if you, like me, had children to feed and shelter no matter what your physical state, you can't think only of your immediate needs.

clearly, there are a lot of scam artists out there - pseudo psychics and tarot card readers - so make sure you do your research. there is an organization called the national guild of hypnotists that certifies practitioners and seems to have a database. ideally, ask friends and people you trust for real life references. if you ,or a friend you delegate the responsibility to, is looking online, make sure you can cross-reference their testimonials (because there are lots of people who write them for themselves).

if you really can't afford it, sometimes it's worth it to talk to the practitioner and see if you can trade or barter. or try a payment plan.

and if all that still doesn't work, maybe hypnosis isn't the thing for you. maybe there's a way to do a D.I.Y version? if you do some research into the french dr. coue, perhaps you could have a friend with a voice you really trust, record some affirmations for you. then listen to them as you fall asleep. just to reassure you, the power of suggestion or reprogramming the subconscious is a scientifically-proven method that many doctors use with their patients today.

the advantage of going to trudy - and she does practice on skype as well, so distance needn't be an issue - is that you get a personalized set of affirmations that integrate your larger issues.

just remember there are lots of alternatives out there. but nothing works alone. it took a lot of people and events (think back, you'll remember) to get you sick. it takes a team of people to get you well.

focus. believe. you will get there.