The C-Word: Mind Games

once i was doing some energy work on my dad because the arthritis was acting up in his knees, i could feel the heat and activity in his joints in the palm of my hands so i asked him what he was experiencing.

he said, "i think i am imagining that i feel something." i've told this story a million times because it made me laugh.

my dad is a scientist and bases his opinions on physical evidence. i explained that from a purely quantitative scientific perspective, the reason one "feels" anything is because nerve receptors fire in the brain saying that there is pain or pleasure or cold or heat or anything in-between. so the reality is that anything one "perceives" is created in the brain. so when one takes a "pain-killer," it doesn't mean that the issue (the inflamed joint, stitches, spinal subluxations) are resolved, it just means that those nerve endings are numbed or quieted down. and one "imagines" that there is no pain.

what does pain mean?

there is a theory amongst health practitioners that all illness starts in the mind, or maybe in the metaphorical heart, if that is the seat of all emotions. the idea is that an emotional or psychological state is so unbalancing or upsetting that it gradually starts affecting the body. in chinese medicine, there are esoteric explanations of illness along with the physical ones - lung issues come from unresolved grief or may cause a sense of sadness, liver issues come from anger or an irritated liver may cause an irritable spirit, lower back pain from frustrated creativity, knee pain from fear, breast health from a woman's relationships or sense of herself as a sexual being. obviously, this is very general.

the simplest example of the idea is tension headaches, TMJ or neck and shoulder pain. while there may be a structural issue, it begins with feeling anxious or stressed and then clenching one's muscles.

to understand further, think about a dog or cat when they feel threatened. involuntarily, they raise the skin and fur on the backs of their necks. do that for a long time and the muscles get tired and pass the information on to the nerves - as an ache.

thus many energy healers say, "the issues are in the tissues." while some people's worries settle in their scalps, others may be in their stomachs or spines. in oprah magazine's april 2014 issue, the article, "The Migraine in My Butt,"  by juno demelo, is about a woman who resolved the painful muscle deep in her glutes using meditation and soul searching for the issues behind it. exploring the nonphysical side of her pain began with a book called The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain by a doctor who used to be the director of outpatient services at the Rusk Institute of Rehabilitation. dr. sarno's theories draw deeply from freudian psychology and the idea that rage starts in early childhood, perhaps even in infancy, and can take over your life.

so that's all very well to say.

unfortunately, what i've noticed is that when someone with a chronic or systemic condition gets the suggestion that there might be a psychological or emotional aspect to it, they tend to get angry and offended: "can you believe it? the doctor said it was all in my mind!"

when a friend of mine who has an inexplicable, debilitating issue was told a hypnotist might help her, she was so insulted that she decided her doctor was an idiot.

here's the thing:

the idea that an illness may be affected by your mind doesn't mean it's not real.

it doesn't mean your illness doesn't exist or isn't wrecking havoc through your body or your life. it is not reductive, patronizing or dismissive. it doesn't mean the pain isn't keeping you up at night or making it impossible to do what you need to.

when an allopathic or western medicine doctor suggests mind-body or energy therapies, it usually means that they don't understand how to resolve your symptoms. that may be for a multitude of reasons, they may be checking the wrong parts of your body, they have missed a symptom or it may be something else. it also doesn't mean that there isn't also a real external cause.

almost everyone in healing has repeated the story of dr. west and his cancer patient, mr. wright from the 1957 paper by psychologist, dr bruno klopfer, "psychological variables in human cancer."

mr. wright had an advanced cancer called lymphosarcoma. all treatments had failed, and he wasn't expected to last a week. but mr. wright desperately wanted to live, and he heard about a promising new drug called krebiozen that was being offered in clinical trials. 

he begged dr. west to treat him with the drug, but the trial was limited to people who had at least three months to live. despite that, mr. wright was convinced that the drug would be his miracle cure.

eventually, dr. west managed to obtain the drug and injected his patient with krebiozen on a friday. dr. west assumed the man wouldn't last the weekend.

to his complete surprise, when dr. west returned on monday, his patient was up and around. dr. klopfer said, "'the tumor masses had melted like snowballs on a hot stove" and were half their original size. ten days later, mr. wright left the hospital, seemingly cancer-free.

then scientific literature reported that krebiozen wasn't effective.  mr. wright, who trusted what he read, became depressed, and the cancer returned.

so, dr. west decided to try something. he told mr. wright that the initial drug had deteriorated during shipping, but that he had a new supply of highly concentrated, ultra-pure krebiozen, guaranteed to work.

dr. west then injected mr. wright with distilled water. the tumors melted again, the fluid in his chest disappeared. mr. wright made a full recovery for another two months.

unfortunately, the american medical association then announced that krebiozen had proved utterly worthless.

upon hearing this, mr. wright lost all faith in his cure. his cancer returned and he died two days later.

so despite his recovery and relapse - his cancer was very real. the difference with cancer (and a lot of other systemic or chronic illnesses) is that the doctors often can't figure out the cause in order to eradicate it.

so think about it this way, if your mind and body are in balance, you can be exposed to bacteria or carcinogens and never develop any illness. that's why (as i've said before), someone can say, "my grandmother smoked 5 packs a day and lived on lard and sugar and died at 105."

that's also why someone who is physically addicted to cigarettes can be cured of their addiction using hypnosis. it doesn't mean there isn't a physical addiction, it just means that the mind is more powerful than you think (no pun intended). lissa rankin's book, mind over medicine gives even more examples.

for instance, a diabetic with a dissociative identity disorder whose other identity was not diabetic. other people with dissociative identity disorder often have one identity who needs corrective glasses and one with perfect vision.

following that logic, there is another - even more controversial -  theory that i believe.

major illnesses (and major catastrophes) show up to heal your life.

there's an entire school of thought around this, including "an uncomfortable" book by another german doctor, rudiger dahlke.

the idea is that quite often people dealing with chronic illnesses or pain have internal issues that they haven't had the time or space to resolve. when a crisis comes it forces you to re-think.

it's almost a cliche that people who have cancer - or another brush with mortality - become much more sensitive to the simple pleasures of life. certainly, being faced with death, puts the prosaic into perspective.

in my own personal experience, i've found that taking the time to be grateful for things, even horrid, painful, life-damaging things, opens me up in a new way.

if you are not well, or in a difficult situation, you might find this idea disgustingly pollyanna, so i apologize in advance. but i ask that you just entertain the thought. follow it through.

usually, after i swim laps, i take a long shower (terribly drying for the skin, i know) and find myself pondering my latest disaster and wondering what i have gained from it. i keep asking myself over and over again what benefit i enjoyed from being sick, being broke, being broken-hearted or whatever loss or awful humiliation it is that time.

usually, while i am drying off, i say to God or Universal Intelligence, "thank you thank you thank you for letting me be here. thank you for letting the water pipes break, because now i know that i need to remember to pay attention more to every day things. i need to look after them." or maybe "thank you for the water pipes breaking because it is forcing me to fix the floors and i never would have done it."

(apologies again for the pedestrian example, because that makes it seem easy.)

perhaps it is an illusion of control, that events are not totally random, especially events inside my body. and perhaps it is way of letting my mind open to healing. because somehow, when i manage to reach the place of REALLY feeling grateful, everything starts shifting.

it does take me some time to get there, depending on how bad the situation is. i try to be grateful and instead i am mad. i tell myself there is a benefit and then i get mad at myself and say how stupid! what could possibly be good about this? i have to keep searching for the gratitude and keep exhaling the anger but eventually, it comes.

it sometimes takes days. or weeks.

it is hard work.

and it doesn't mean you don't have to do the work of physically changing your habits, your diet, your responses.

there was a painful story in the new york times magazine about a woman called anna lyndsey who is burned by even the slightest exposure to light. her skin has become so photosensitive that she cannot even open the curtains during the day. while living in permanent darkness, she's written a memoir about it. at one point in the article, she warns against the "lure of the reiki healer."

"lyndsey writes of wanting, when the healer suggests that there is always some hidden benefit to being ill, to smash in the woman’s face."

but the end of the article suggests something different:

"she describes the rainbow of colors she sees in the house depending on the weather outside, the various stages of dusk, the subtle differences between the light at sunrise and sunset. 'i went for a walk at dawn on christmas day, which was the first time I’d managed to do that for years,' she said. 'It was absolutely deserted, and the sky was this lovely peachy, bluey gray, very tasteful, and there were all these magpies flying round the houses.' It’s the kind of thing most of us see without seeing, a scene so ordinary it barely registers. sky, magpies, houses: nothing of note. for lyndsey, rare and beautiful — art."

i don't mean to be reductive or dismissive. i can't imagine that experience. and it's possible that lyndsey's beautiful walk was not a reward and, obviously, the physical reality of her illness is so much more than a metaphor.

that said, what makes sense to me and my experience of illness or catastrophe is that if you can understand what benefit you might gain from it, you can what address the need that is not being satisfied and perhaps help your mind heal your body.

i had a similar conversation with the shrinks at memorial sloan kettering. i explained why i no longer needed to have cancer. the shrink was taken aback. "at memorial sloan kettering, we don't believe cancer is a punishment from God!" he exclaimed.

dahlke explains it better in the article:

“the problem is that people confuse responsibility and guilt,” says dahlke over skype. “when I argue that someone is responsible for his illness, i’m not saying that that disease is his fault. the disease provides an ability to respond, however. we have to get to know what that disease means in our lives, what it wants to tell us. a disease presents a task, and when we perform the task, we heal the body.”

if all life is experience created by perception and belief - and both of those things are created in the mind - couldn't changing the mind change the body?

we might even be able to create a new gene.

in my experience, approaching anything or anyone with love, understanding and acceptance always works better than anger, aggression or tension.

anyway, just a thought.

maybe you want to invite it in for a little while.

The C-Word: The Power of the Mind, Trudy Beers

today, i interviewed a well-known hypnotist called trudy beers. (i apologize, i will edit it, i swear - but i was excited to share it, i thought i'd go back and edit it later. )

trudy beers is in her mid-50s and lives an old school sun-filled loft in tribeca. there are no crystal balls or taxidermed alligators, just lots of certificates that prove she's the real thing. she's been practicing hypnosis, reiki and the power of suggestion for about 40 years. when i was in the midst of my chemotherapy, another friend of mine who had recovered from breast cancer recommended i go to her.

my friend, who had radiation for her cancer, gave me these words of wisdom:

"you have to stay positive and you MUST believe in your complete recovery."

hypnosis operates on the theory that your mind controls your body. if you commit yourself, mind-body-soul, to your recovery and wellbeing, you will get there. it's similar to the way athletes prepare themselves for strenuous events, sort of like psyching yourself up.

everyone - including allopathic doctors and nurses - has experienced the way in which an emotional crisis of some kind precipitates an illness. so why can't the opposite - meaning, a resolution of that crisis - start one's body on the process of healing.

one drawback with mind healing, like most kinds of faith, is that if you get lazy or tired or let doubts creep in, you begin to slide. you need to convince yourself that you are well and then your subconscious mind will convince your body. hypnosis works on your subconscious to help you stay focused (and stubbornly attached) to your goal of returning to a balanced state. hypnotists should give you a tape or cd or mp3 to listen to as you fall asleep at night so that you can program your subconscious to keep you on track.

keep in mind is that every kind of healing process requires a multi-pronged approach. as trudy says, "it takes a village..." the more serious and more entrenched the illness, the more ways in which one needs to support one's body and mind in the process. so you still need to be conscious about eating clean, organic, healthy foods, you need to find ways in which to exercise - or maybe get regular massages - to stimulate your circulation and your organs. you still need to drink fresh vegetable juices.

honestly, it seems there is no easy way out. if you want to recover from cancer or any other serious illness - if you really want to - you can, but you will have to work like crazy.

like any other practitioner, she will tell you what i keep saying (not that i am always successful at this myself), you have to give up sugar. this means ALL sugar. cane sugar, white flour, white potatoes, alcohol... depending on how bad your cancer is, you might have to give up fructose as well, which means fruit and potatoes, all types of grains, and absolutely anything your body could turn into sugar to feed those hungry cancer cells. personally, i felt that while my cancer was active, i should give up caffeine as well, because there was no need to speed anything up.

hypnosis does work in tandem with standard western treatment for cancer. the idea is that your mind can help you steel your body against the destructive nature of the therapies.

i've tried various mind-body games myself. like, while getting my blood pressure taken at the doctor's office, i imagine i am on the beach. i zone out and feel the sun on my forehead, turn the office noise into the sound of the waves. i can bring my blood pressure and my pulse down really fast.

i've also gotten my blood pressure taken when i am still fuming over some argument or frustration and watched it shoot up, so i know it's possible.

try it yourself. walk on to the subway platform on a really hot day and keep thinking about being cold. imagine icy places. keep telling yourself you are chilled and - if you focus - you can really keep yourself cool for ten minutes or so. i haven't been able to do it for longer than that, but maybe with practice.

the goal of hypnosis or suggestion is to help you release psychological blocks - the emotional remains of unhappy incidents in your life - and return calmer to your day-to-day life. according to chinese medicine - and a lot of spiritual healers - breast cancer is connected to women's romantic relationships and lung cancer to grief and sadness - so these cancers might be an especially receptive to emotional unblocking.

in a lot of ways, it's similar to prayer. the idea is to separate, to forgive and to lift your spirit to a higher level.

the way trudy works is this: you contact her and do a phone consultation. then she sends potential patients a 12-page questionnaire she calls her "intake form."

the questionnaire goes into great detail about your personality, your tastes, your styles, your character traits. are you patient? are you easily distracted? you list what disappoints you, what irritates you and what pleases you. i found it very similar to what acupuncturists, homeopaths and naturopaths ask you to fill out. the idea being that your personality or habits tend to affect the way your body gets ill and also the way it gets well.

a good hypnotist reads your intake form and spends some time processing the information so that, by the time you get to your appointment, she feels like she knows your starting point.

in trudy's case, an appointment takes about three hours. after going through your challenges and your intake form together, you eventually end up on a cozy chaise longue with your eyes closed. a trance state is like a deep meditation. you feel like you are almost asleep - you know that feeling - you are just drifting off, the world is starting to recede. you can hear the voices in the background, but you are not quite listening because you float in and out of dream states.

for me, i feel like this at the end of the yoga class, when i am lying on the mat in shavasena, totally relaxed and listening to the teacher. (personally, i often fall completely asleep here as well, but i am a tired, stressed-out single mum.)

trudy leads your subconscious mind to release what she identifies as the four negative or blocking emotions - fear, shame, guilt and anger. in the relaxed trance-state, apparently, one is happy to give them up. one leaves feeling lighter and freer.

then she gives you a recording of the session to listen to every night as you go to sleep. eventually, your subconscious starts to act on the suggestion that is programmed into your mind.

according to trudy, you will just need a single session to get the process started. then your own mind and body takes over.

is it worth the $400-500 fee? as trudy says, "it's worth ALL your money to stay well. you won't need the money if you go." i haven't tried it myself but, as i said, i know that trudy has had a lot of success, especially with breast cancer.

on the other hand, if you, like me, had children to feed and shelter no matter what your physical state, you can't think only of your immediate needs.

clearly, there are a lot of scam artists out there - pseudo psychics and tarot card readers - so make sure you do your research. there is an organization called the national guild of hypnotists that certifies practitioners and seems to have a database. ideally, ask friends and people you trust for real life references. if you ,or a friend you delegate the responsibility to, is looking online, make sure you can cross-reference their testimonials (because there are lots of people who write them for themselves).

if you really can't afford it, sometimes it's worth it to talk to the practitioner and see if you can trade or barter. or try a payment plan.

and if all that still doesn't work, maybe hypnosis isn't the thing for you. maybe there's a way to do a D.I.Y version? if you do some research into the french dr. coue, perhaps you could have a friend with a voice you really trust, record some affirmations for you. then listen to them as you fall asleep. just to reassure you, the power of suggestion or reprogramming the subconscious is a scientifically-proven method that many doctors use with their patients today.

the advantage of going to trudy - and she does practice on skype as well, so distance needn't be an issue - is that you get a personalized set of affirmations that integrate your larger issues.

just remember there are lots of alternatives out there. but nothing works alone. it took a lot of people and events (think back, you'll remember) to get you sick. it takes a team of people to get you well.

focus. believe. you will get there.

The C-Word: Exploring the Alternatives

people are always asking me about alternative or complementary healing methods and how to figure out what works and what's a scam.

so i decided to put together a list of alternative - or non-traditional - practitioners who i know and who have helped friends and interview them on this blog.

watch this space.

in the meantime, my first piece of advice when you are looking at any kind of non-traditional healing or "miracle cure," always cross-reference!

for instance, if someone says he cured his cancer using blackstrap molasses and baking soda, don't drop everything and rush out for those products.

remember that while he may be telling the truth, it may only have worked for him because of his body type, his genetic make-up and his personality - i.e., the way he handles stress or tension.

next, spend some time online and see what those particular products can do to one's body. many alternative practitioners recommend "alkalizing" one's body - and as such, baking soda in small quantities can do that. but look around, what kind of baking soda? how much and how often? could this be dangerous? and what other changes will you need to make?

be cautious of websites that make you enter your email address before they give you any information. there are thousands of ways to make money online and one way is to make someone pay to get information that is available elsewhere for nothing.

personally, i recommend an immediate cross reference on www.cancertutor.com

also, nothing - whether it's chemo, radiation, surgery or alternatives - works very well in isolation. you will need to combine and you will need to make changes in your lifestyle (that's how you got here, remember?) so that you can give your body the energy it needs to get well.

so my second piece of advice - before you try anything - is be skeptical. no matter what your doctor or a practitioner tells you, look it up. ask around. ask questions.

when i started at memorial sloan kettering, the doctors told me i was so lucky because my cancer had a 70% cure rate. "isn't that great?" said the chemo nurse.

i said, "well, what about the other 30%?" i mean, if something had a 30% chance of killing you, that was still pretty high.

my doctor said, "those are mostly women without health insurance..."

more to come.

The C-Word: How to Say No

I am always asked this question.

When faced with the enormous weight of the medical establishment and the cancer industry, along with the battalions of family members and friends who told me I was a selfish, unrealistic, irresponsible mother with a death wish, how did I say no?

How do you make a decision based on the quiet voice of your intuition when you're scared out of your skin? And when almost every person of repute is telling you that your intuition might be deadly wrong.

How do you do what you feel in your gut is right for you and your body?

This is critical.

Toddlers say, "No" often and with conviction. "No green beans!" "No shoes!" It's simple.

Teenagers do it by rolling over and going back to sleep. Or ignoring their parents' text messages. It's all about creating a separate identity and learning to make your own boundaries. It's a crucial developmental step.

Eventually, though, as we grow up, we all learn the value of saying, "Yes." Or at least, "Oh, all right," most of the time. It's a necessary part of living in society. We get to work when we are told to be there, we do the laundry for the whole family, make dinner when we're exhausted.

The problem is that we - especially women - often forget that we need to assert our independence sometimes. Not just for the brief rush of power (and ensuing guilt) of doing what we want, but as a sort of self-protection. There is only so much you can do and if you don't learn to protect yourself, the world will eat you up.

I am not suggesting that the world is malicious, just that the people who love you most, who care most about you, sometimes don't realize that you are a human yourself who also has a responsibility to herself. That sometimes you need to tell them, "No."

When you are sick, this can get even harder.

If you feel like your illness might respond better to a certain diet, let's say your own version of Unger's Clean or Gerson therapy or any of the variations and options out there, you need to protect yourself from the people who love you and may have stayed up all night baking your favorite brownies or frying samosas. If you are weak and tired and you don't even really like brussel sprouts, but you somehow know that's what you need, you need to say, "No, thank you," to the person who brought cupcakes and the doctor who says, "What you eat doesn't really matter anyway."

For the hospital, here is your first bit of ammunition. In the land of the invalids, the squeaky wheel gets gets the oil. Statistically, patients who complain and demand attention get better care - and recover faster. The more active you are in the process, the better your care will be - mainly because you've lived in your body and you know it better than any doctor ever could. I'm not suggesting you be nasty and mean to anyone - and especially not the nurses because they really work hard - but that you stick to what you believe.  Even doctors and nurses, when they stop to think, believe this.

The uncomplaining patient who quietly does what she's told tends to be forgotten in the rush. If you have unpleasant symptoms or side-effects and you don't demand that your doctor address them in some way, you run the risk of hurting yourself in the long run. The human body reacts differently to different drugs as well as different illnesses. It's possible that something that seems unimportant may turn out to be something serious.

That's why I suggest you listen to yourself and your body. Trust your intuition.

When you are sick, vulnerable, frightened or even just intimidated, that is the time to say, "No," and take your power back. No, I don't want cortisteroids. No, I don't want a medical student to give me spinal tap, I'd rather have someone with years of experience. No, I can't walk there, I want a wheelchair. No, I don't want a wheelchair, I'd rather walk myself.

Even if every single person tells you that acupuncture or prayer or avoiding surgery or chemotherapy or radiation is a stupid thing to do, if you feel like something is not working for you, if you get a sinking feeling as you start do it, say, "No." (Interestingly, my daughters never question my convictions).

Remember that you can. There is a patient's bill of rights that allows you to refuse any treatment that you don't feel is benefitting you. It means that your doctors need to explain what they are doing and why. Just because something has "always been done that way" or because something is the "standard protocol" doesn't mean it always works or it can't be improved upon.

In my case, I knew too many people who had suffered from the side-effects of chemotherapy and radiation. The cancer was defeated, but with many of my friends, it came roaring back in four or five years because the person's natural immune system was so decimated by the chemo. I've known people who were killed by the side effects of chemotherapy and radiation but I never met anyone who was killed by natural medicine.

While I am a big proponent of natural healing methods, there is a lot to be said for your own state of mind. If you really have faith in whatever method you are using to get well, it is likely to work. If you have your doubts, don't do it.

For me, I tried psychic healers, massage and cranial-sacro therapists, acupuncturists, integrative oncologists, reiki healers, brennan method healers, nutritionists, and hypnotists. I chose them based on positive recommendations from others. If something felt good - and I found research supporting it - I kept doing it. If it didn't feel like it was doing me good or I didn't respond to the energy of the person, I stopped. I really worked on not being intimidated by either the New Age machinery or the medical industry.

Cancer and other life-threatening ailments are big business and too many people are scared or intimidated into spending a lot of money on treatments that don't work for them. Say, "No."

Not to be too trite but in Legally Blonde Two, Elle Woods uses a disappointing haircolor as a metaphor:

Sometimes you realize that part of the reason you got sick was that you didn't learn how to say, "No" enough. No, I can't drive you there. No, I can't keep the kids this weekend so you and your girlfriend can go to a bed and breakfast. No, I can't cover that bill. No, you can't come have your lunch at my house just because you're in the neighborhood. 

Years ago, my mother taught me the beginnings of saying no to authorities. "Well, the recipe calls for three cans of chicken broth, but I made some chicken stock myself so I will use that." Or "The doctor told me to take this, but it's making me feel sick, so I'm going to throw them away and call him."

Start small. But work on it. 

It's not always nice to say no to the people who care about you. But it's better to be nice to yourself some time.

When I finally told my oncologist I would not do any more chemotherapy despite her recommendations, she said, "You'll be dead in 12 weeks."

When I told the psychiatrists who were sent to counsel me that there were other ways to cure cancer, they laughed and said, "Those are fairy stories."

That was two years' ago. (That doesn't mean I might not have a relapse anyway because five years is the mark, but I've enjoyed the last two years at full steam).

Be brave.

Say No.

It could save your life.