Good Advice

Recently (SHOCK!) I've learned why advice needs to be open-ended and neutral. 

Or what do butterflies and baby birds have to do with advice?

I used to get irritated if I told someone they needed to eat more kale, broccoli and swiss chard and they ate donuts (or pretend health food like granola and yogurt) instead. My emotional reaction is common amongst parents of adult children, adult children regarding their parents, friends and siblings. 

Someone you care about or are invested in does something that seems obviously unwise (or self-destructive) to you. So, even if they haven't asked you or paid you to tell them, you point it out. 

Then the person to whom you have given this brilliant advice or insight just does their own thing. 

That used to get to me.

There's that thing about helping a baby bird break out of its shell. When the bird emerges on its own, it gains the strength it needs to thrive in its life. When someone helps it, it becomes weak or handicapped. It's the same thing with butterflies. Those "helped" ones die.

When someone takes a decision on their own, they gain a greater sense of control and satisfaction. If I impose my views, I take ownership of their path. That means they trust themselves and their own judgment less. They don't learn what they are meant to learn. They get weaker.

It's like taking your kid's swim test for him/her. Obviously dangerous.

Giving advice or help with neutrality also helps me step away from my ego. I can only draw from my own body of knowledge and perception. I'm a medical intuitive, a health coach, a psychic and a medium but also a human - I am not omniscient. I don't know every possible solution or every possible way to get somewhere. I don't often know all the pieces of the puzzle.

My advice to myself?

If I deliver (asked-for) counsel with neutrality, I allow the person to have agency over their lives and their choices. My advice is not the only information they are using to move forwards. 

If I deliver advice in an open-ended, nonjudgmental way, it is more likely the person will receive it in a way that helps and benefits them. It's not that I don't care what the person does, it's that I do care. 

I have to believe that a person I care about is wise and intelligent.

I want a person I counsel to be happier, healthier, stronger and closer to their joy.

Advice is a gift and a resource. 

Of course, the next steps in releasing my ego (or nafs, if you are a Muslim):

1. Not assuming my advice is the only way
2. Not getting angry if they don't follow my advice in any way

3. Not needing validation or appreciation for my advice

4. Not saying, "I told you so," if their experiences lead to some sort of disappointment (which can be a powerful lesson on its own)

5. Not taking or asking for ownership or credit if their experiences lead to some sort of positive end

If I do any of those five, it's about me. If I need to be right, valued, validated or credited, that's my insecurity. However, I do slip into all of these sometimes.

Notice how other people's problems are transparent and our own are opaque and complex?

So my advice on coaching, advising or counsel?

If you care how it lands - rather than wanting to bully or threaten someone into your point of view - you give it in a way that they can hear it, that they can use it without feeling diminished or controlled, and you give it like any true gift, 

no strings attached.

Please feel free to ignore. 

The C-Word: Recalibration, Reconnection and Revitalization

My oldest daughter, Sasha, said to us this morning, "Hey, corona virus is over."

Both my youngest daughter, Rara, and myself stared at her. We were in the vast emptiness and quintessential Western landscape of Joshua Tree. Staying in an airbnb that is a run down old house with a coat of paint and made habitable with stuff from Walmart. 

Rara by the pool

The roads are dusty and designed for the occasional pick-up trucks that speed down them. The sun is hot and harsh and the open spaces are dotted with Dr. Seuss-type "trees," cactus and shrubs. Rabbits hop in and out of view. In the rare but wide-spreading trees, birds cluster and chirp at the top of their voices. 

Standing in the reflected glare of the concrete pool, I felt a sudden ease. A weight lifted off me. 

I said, "Wait, what?" 

I don't even remember if Rara said anything.  Sasha turned around and wrinkled her nose. squinting in the sunlight at us. She said, "April fools."

We were all silent. 

In the desert, the massive sky weighs more. In the cold night, it is heavy with sparkling stars. It is easy to feel connected to the breath and rhythm of nature here. 

Nature is recalibrating us. It is reminding us that we are all connected to each other. That borders, races, faiths, beliefs are human-created separations. We are just one of the species or families of living beings who rely on this planet to feed and shelter us. In order to survive, we must rely on each other. We must learn to respect not only every human life but every other kind of life. 

What's interesting to me about the new social or physical distancing rules is that it forces us to see other people as few humans. To step off or on the sidewalk or out of a supermarket aisle to allow someone else their 6 feet of safety means that you must acknowledge another person's presence. One can't just pretend that the other person is an object. 

On our video conferences, we see into other people's living rooms. We hear their families or pets. In some ways, we become even closer even as we crave the touch and scent of other humans. We are social animals and this is a deeply difficult exercise for us. 

I have moments where I find having to stare at a screen, whether to shop, connect or learn, irritating and unsatisfying. The wrong medicine for me. I don't answer texts or emails sometimes because I can't bear to look at my phone or my laptop. I don't want to talk on the phone, I want to have a cup of tea or a drink with a real person in a different setting. 

On April fools' day, I considered the idea that this state is the new normal. That life for the next month or several months involves little to no social interaction, except for trips to the supermarket or for me, the cold-pressed juice place I love. (Fortunately, food shopping no longer turns into panic buying of things one doesn't need. While most stores are sold out of many things - toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning products - there is lots of fresh produce. Most places have re-stocked their soups, beans, rice and pasta.) 

As incomes dip, we are all learning what we don't need. Learning to make do with what we already have. And as the Native Americans or many indigenous peoples teach, we are learning to leave something for others. 

For me, the exercise of Metta meditation is a powerful way to remind myself of my connection with others and myself. As an intuitive, I already know that we are all connected - that physical distance and time are also constructs. 

Metta, if you don't already practice, is translated from Pali (the original language of the Buddha) as "loving kindness." In today's world, that translation feels saccharine. A more palatable translation might be compassion. A compassion that is neither pity nor selflessness because it includes yourself in the process. 

It is also a great meditation for busy-mind non-meditating people. People who say, "I'm a do-er. I can't meditate." Or "As soon as I start trying to meditate, my mind just goes crazy." Metta works for us because it involves bringing images to mind and repeating phrases. It basically gives your overactive mind something to play with so the rest of you can spread out into the spaciousness of meditation. 

Different teachers and practitioners have different variations on the four phrases but here are the ones I like the best:

May I/you be happy

May I/you be healthy

May I/you be safe

May I/you live with ease (or be peaceful)

Finally, a Metta meditation is a revitalizing experience. It makes our connection with the life force in all beings into visceral reality.

Here it is. Feel free to listen as often as you like and/or share it with others. 

15-minute metta meditation

Again, I thank Jackson Nazario for his help with the recordings.

Love in the time of Cholera

If you are walking around with your chest tight or your stomach in knots, that isn't surprising. Thursday was the first day of Spring and it feels like the world's gone crazy.

Thank you for sharing this gorgeous collage, Rachel Urquhart www.ponygoldstudio.com

In NYC, Karachi and LA, the city is on lockdown. Every business - apart from grocery stores, pharmacies and hospitals - is closed. People are working from home and have been told to "shelter in place" - not to leave their homes unless absolutely necessary. People with kids feel like they are bouncing off the walls. I've spoken to teachers and they hate the idea that their students are now going to have even MORE screen time.

No one knows how long it will last. Two weeks? 6 months? Will you get sick? Will someone you love get sick? What IS this virus? How can washing my hands possibly be enough?

The first day of spring is New Year's day in Iran (the second worst hit country after China), it's called Norouz or Nowruz.

It's a celebration of the earth's return to life. Of the light returning, of the flow of energy increasing. It might feel hard to celebrate when you are not allowed to meet friends or go to group events or - in some cases, if you are quarantined in a place without a private outdoor space - even go outside.

Instead, we are only wondering how long we are going to live like this.

On instagram, I keep posting anti-viral home remedies, but many people get angry saying these "magic potions" will not help us and will make us sick. There was one theory that our exposure to 5G has so taxed our bodies that people without resilience to electromagnetic shifts were either catching or creating the virus in their bodies. That also made a lot of people angry.

There are a lot of factors impacting our health. We need to examine all of them. There are a lot of things that can make us healthier. We need to think about them too.

Let me clarify - yes, wash your hands, isolate for enough time for them to see if it impacts infections, don't think that ginger and turmeric will allow you to go to parties (and even if it protects you from showing symptoms, it might cause others to become ill). Wash your clothes and sheets. Do NOT take massive doses of turmeric, ginger, oil of oregano OR acetaminophen or off-label pharmaceuticals. Too much of anything can be hard on your organs.

But also - take time to breathe. Walk in nature. Be kind to others - animals, people, plants - no matter who they are and where they come from. Nature is recalibrating us. Let's figure out how to work with where we are now. Practice being patient in uncomfortable situations. Practice disagreeing with someone without taking it personally. Remember that there is enough. There is always enough. Ask for help when you need it. You are supported. You are loved.

Please don't smoke.

All of those things are actually proven to strengthen your immune system

If you are having trouble managing the collective panic. Try short meditations. If you have difficulty sitting still for 15 or 20 minutes, try a guided one.

I've recorded one here with help from Jackson Nazario, a young musician and sound engineer:

Feel free to download it and share it.

The silver lining? The air is cleaner, the water is clearer. Kids are drawing on the sidewalk with chalk and hanging pictures of rainbows all over the neighborhood.

Jackson's got a song to make you feel better too.

Be well, my friends.

The C-Word: Meals to Heal or Savor Health

When you have cancer - or another major crisis - every single thing you consume should be supporting your recovery. Since not eating when you are not hungry is natural, and fasting or limiting calories during chemotherapy makes it even more effective - never eat just to gain weight. Your meals should heal.

Talk about Fearless Healing ideas: Susan Bratton, who studied microbiology and finance, started a powerful new business when she watched one of her best friends succumb to cancer treatments. She says, "Food really matters. Doctors are just beginning to learn how important it is."

Susan Bratton serves meals that heal at Savor Health

A year or two ago, I wrote a post called, "What's Left to Eat?" That's what people say when I say I don't eat wheat, dairy, sugar or processed foods (or animal products that come from animals aren't organic and humanely-raised). I am not militant, I do eat a bite or two of someone else's homemade-with-love cooking to get some of their love in my body. I don't ask if the soy sauce has sodium benzoate in it.

At home, I am always testing out new recipes and new ways to make delicious, interesting food that feeds your wellbeing as well as your tastebuds and your need - because, let's face it, pleasure is a real need - for taste and texture.

All very well for me, because I am usually healthy and energetic these days. On the other hand, sometimes, you know you should, but you just can't face another thing. Or the people who are helping you with your meals are overwhelmed or don't know what to give you.

Susan started a food service called Savor Health that prepares and delivers healing meals to people with cancer or other systemic health issues. They have oncological nutritionists onboard who work with you to put together your most healing options.  To me, what was most interesting about Susan was her background. Unlike a lot of people in the wellness world, she comes from a background of science and finance. She was drawn to the hard facts that are often ignored. "I wanted to bridge the two worlds, the one of medicine and the one of alternative or natural healing. So I found well-designed studies that supported what I learned and could be trusted by the medical community."
Basically, she took things that practitioners of natural medicine have known for thousands of years and found ways to help oncologists, cardiologists, health insurance companies and even corporations understand how they work.

Even if you're not sick, eating well makes your skin glow and eyes sparkle, gives you more energy and actually makes you happier - so much better than a jar of expensive face cream.

So, much as I adore Moon Juice and Amanda Chantal Bacon (I really love her energy and her desire to help), this is a practical approach that you can start using immediately, especially in New York City. You can also stop stressing out your friends who are trying to figure out what to feed you!

Check it out and tell me what you think in the comments!

The C-Word: Staying the Course

Many people I talk to about getting healthier say the same thing to me, "It's too much, Ameena. Maybe you could do it, but I can't change my diet. I can't change my lifestyle."

Yes. Yes you can.

If you want to. 

I'm not trying to beat you up. But I know you can.

Think about this way - it's about long-term goals. Delayed gratification is very hard for people's brains to process. Myself, especially. I tend to be impulsive. When I want something, I want it NOW. I know the feeling.

You may realize you are able to do it in one way but not in another. Some people can save money. They say to themselves, "I'll skip going out to dinner or an extra drink for a bigger dent in my debt or my retirement savings." (I am not one of those people. Despite being middle-aged, retirement seems very far away. And my debt is amorphorous.)

For me, it's "I'll skip buying those boots or that coat, so I can pay the mortgage or rent." I can do short-term.

If you can think, "I'll skip that ice cream cone and my tummy/thighs/double chin will look flatter on Saturday night - or at the beach," which is just a few days' ahead, you can eat to stop or slow cancer or heart disease. If you can do a few crunches every evening, you can be stronger in less than a week.

The strict anticancer diet, which is very close to the Whole30 meal plan, is doable for impulsive people if you can think short term. You tell yourself, "If I skip the milk and sugar in my tea or coffee today, I will have so much more energy or no headache tomorrow." I can promise that you skip the grains and sweeteners (ALL of them, including artificial ones), you will definitely have a flatter stomach by tomorrow. Yes, you will probably feel a little worse while you detox (maybe for three days) and you will be dreaming about candy, but once you get rid of the addiction, you WILL feel and look amazing. Isn't that worth it? Three days to clear eyes and skin? 10 days to a glow?

Instead of thinking about giving stuff up forever, think about giving it up for a week. Or 30 days.

On evenings when you are tired and grumpy and the donuts are calling your name, you think, "Just til tomorrow. I won't eat them now and I will be so happy tonight. Then if I still feel like it, I can always get one tomorrow." When tomorrow comes, you do the same thing. Or maybe you think, "Just for an hour. I'll see if I still want one when I pass the next donut shop." Then when you pass the next donut shop, you say to yourself, "I'm almost home. I could make some sweet potatoes..." and so on.

why it's worth to stick to your anticancer diet. a cherokee proverb.

On the other hand, if you are a long-term thinking person, you say, "I'll skip sugar, dairy and grains so that I can make it to my daughter's wedding - or my granddaughter's wedding."

Or the way I think, "If I stay away from air pollution and toxins, exercise, meditate and eat organic and green today, I will remain self-sufficient and active until I die." Obviously, this is not totally controllable - I could get hit by a car or some other horrid thing, but similarly, I could lose all my retirement savings in a bad investment or if the economy tanks again.

Personally, I am less worried about leaving this world than I am about losing my autonomy and agency.

I don't want to spend the last years of my life being pushed around in a wheelchair and/or an institution. I really don't want other people making decisions for me or choosing what time I go to bed or what meds I take. I don't want to be in constant pain or feeble or lose control of my limbs.

I want to leave this world on my yoga mat, in a sufi meditation or on a surf board.

If you're a short-term person - can you change your lifestyle long enough to make it to your next doctor's appointment and see how your vitals have changed? Can you change it long enough to put your cancer in remission?

This is how I save for retirement. Eating lightly, no sugar and more greens, exercising more, sleeping well, taking supplements that reduce inflammation and strengthen my immune system, meditating - all that is better than health insurance at keeping you from diabetes, heart disease and cancer.

It's not hard to eat organic, humane and anti-inflammatory, look after your heart and stay away from toxins if you want to protect yourself from dementia and alzheimer's.

I know you can do it too.

The C-Word: The Beauty of Cancer

This may sound all superficial when you are in what feels like a life or death situation, but beauty products are actually crucial. We all know that when you are happier, you heal faster.  But also, when you look better, people treat you differently. We are only human.

Getting chemotherapy and planning my skincare

I felt hideous when everything started falling apart, not least because people would stare (just for a minute and then look away). I looked like a scrawny, hairless alien. I don't know if they thought I had cancer or something else, but people tended to give me a wide berth, as though my disease just might be catching. My daughters gave me a gift certificate to a place called Spa Castle - a gigantic Korean spa with all kinds of relaxing treatments - and I didn't go because I thought everyone would REALLY stare at me in a bathing suit. It didn't help that most massage therapists, nail salons, aestheticians, even dentists would refuse me treatment because they were scared of what the cancer might do - or my compromised immune system.

Friends would say, "You look great!" in a loudish, fakely cheerful voice. Or they'd tell me about someone else who had chemo and looked much worse. I ran errands, worked and was happy that I could, but I felt embarrassed about my looks. I went to see one of my daughters in her school play and, between scenes, I came out into the lobby and sat on the floor and cried because I felt like a leper.

A few weeks' later, I was in a meeting at an ad agency pitching, of all things, a haircare line, and feeling totally awkward. I mentioned to the table that I didn't need shampoo. My boss laughed, "No, you need Miracle-Gro!" Well, that broke the tension.

So.

How you look matters.

If you are reading this for a friend or family member who is sick, keep that in mind.

To start out, let's forget serious beauty treatments and think about discomfort. Your skin feels rough, hot, dry and itchy - or some combination of the three - during chemo and/or radiation. Unfortunately, almost any commercial product you apply will irritate the skin even further. Your eyes are often red, dry and swollen.

To start with, I didn't use any cleansers at all. My skin was just too dry. I rinsed it with water. If I attempted to use anything even slightly exfoliating, it made my cheeks sting. I only wore natural make-up products so I didn't need to remove them.

Some people suggest you splash water on your face and then apply a thin layer of sweet almond oil. This is the most basic level of care but it is best for babies with eczema because their skin is naturally plump and soft. Since oil just helps seal the moisture into your skin, it doesn't give your skin the cooling, soothing, quenching it craves.

During my 25+ years in the beauty industry, I used to joke that all the expensive skin creams worked about as well as Crisco with fragrance and a nice jar. It's not totally true.

Even post-chemo, you should probably keep this list in mind - what you really need for your skin is a three-part solution - 1. an emollient, 2. a humectant and 3. an occlusive. Many skin products incorporate the three, but if you don't find one that works for you, here's what you need.

The emollient is a moisturizer. It hydrates, softens and plumps up the fine lines. It feels good on the skin. The reason you can't rely on it alone is that it evaporates very quickly. Thus it can leave the skin feeling even dryer than it did to begin with.

Next, you need a humectant. Humectants draw the moisture from the air into your skin. Glycerin, coconut oil and hyaluronic acid (sounds scary but it's actually something your body creates to lubricate itself) are humectants. If you use too much of a humectant, it can make you skin look fresh and dewy, but it can also make it feel sticky to the touch, especially as the product dries - because it does dry but not completely into a thick gel.

So to top it all off, you need an occlusive. An occlusive seals in the moisture and protects and fortifies your skin's moisture barrier. The moisture on your skin not only makes the skin softer and more resilient, it creates a barrier to bacteria, environmental irritants and pollutants. Thus dry skin is actually more prone to infection.

For me, the best moisturizer during chemo was a simple Calendula cream. Look for brands designed for first aid, like Boiron or Thompson's, or for babies. Make sure it is unscented. It cooled the skin and soothed the itchy red rash. I still travel with a tube of this as my face is very sensitive to stress and different kinds of water. (Personally, after cleansing, I start with a Vitamin C product to help re-build the collagen, reduce the dark spots and splotches you get from chemotherapy and brighten the skin. Be careful with this though, as the wrong product can irritate the skin and cause MORE redness (and that's hardly what you need). Liquid Gold is the only brand I recommend for people with cancer, since it's natural and designed for sensitive skin.)

Then I used a humectant. A friend of mine was working for Estee Lauder and she sent me the Creme De La Mer serum, a rich gel - I think it was fortified with seaweed or algae - that, unlike most commercially-prepared products, didn't have a heavy scent or color. You can also use a pure hyaluronic acid or a natural rosewater and glycerin combination mist. I also love a product called Liquid Gold cell quench which is made of hyaluronic acid and plant stem cells. I spray on some rosewater and glycerin and then roll on a little cell quench and spread it around with my finger tips.

My favorite beauty products for people having cancer treatments - and my routine today.

For my occlusive, I then used a heavy moisturizer with a sweet almond oil base called Cleopatra's cream. It's made by a friend of natural, non-GMO ingredients - including antibacterial coconut oil and homeopathic suspensions of minerals and seems to be the ONLY thing that really hydrates my post-chemo dryness. It still smells lovely but not fake in anyway.

Last, I used a balm or oil at night. I've seen herbal shops selling calendula balms made of herbal extracts and essential oils. As long as it is not too scented, you could use that instead. I would test it on your arm and see how it feels. The Liquid Gold brand also makes a balm with vitamin E that is great for sealing in the moisture and healing.

Finally, moisture has to come from the inside, too. While you are having chemo, drink water like crazy and make sure you are getting your good fats - avocados, coconut oil, nuts, rice bran oil. I took 4 capsules a day of rice bran oil, two capsule of rosemary oil and four capsules a day of seabuckthorn oil.

Just remember that everything you apply to your skin gets absorbed into your blood stream, so if you wouldn't eat it, you probably shouldn't rub it into your face, especially when you are weak and your immune system is compromised.

One month after I stopped chemotherapy. My face well moisturized - just eyeliner but nothing else!

When you are all greased-up, let it soak in for a little while so that you don't look too slippery. Then it's time for make-up! There is a little-known brand called Illuminare which was actually designed to be super gentle for a breast cancer patient and is made out of natural minerals. It's a make-up artists secret as it blends really well, a teensy bit goes a long way and it is non-irritating, even if you fall asleep with it on. Since it has a high mineral content, it works as a sunscreen as well - very useful since the skin becomes very photosensitive during chemotherapy and radiation - and it actually helps your skin heal.

Illuminare makes eye products that do not irritate the eyes (but irritatingly, require separate brushes - though that forces you to clean them often which is good) and nontoxic lipcolors that last all day. One finds that one's lips not only get dry and cracked, they become pale.

I still wore my kajal every single day, unless my eyes got too stingy. Kajal is a South Asian eyeliner made of charcoal and healing oils. I use a brand called Hashmi Kajal. It's supposedly made out of Ayurvedic ingredients and protects your eyesight. It didn't bother my eyes, it's cheap and the only bad thing about it is that the plastic cap is really cheap and can break off in your bag and smear the waterproof stuff everywhere so keep it in a ziplock bag. I rinsed it in cold water between uses.

Apart from kajal, I am sucky at applying make-up myself but there are a million great tutorials on youtube. Watch them but, be super careful with the products you choose. It is not worth the discomfort of skin and eyes that are even more irritated than before. I tried my daughters' make-up and came home and cried again because of how much they made my eyes sting and my face hurt.

My friend Mary Schook showed me how to safely apply false lashes if I needed to go out. And these days, there are no shortage of brow products (it's amazing how weird people look with no eyebrows).  This was shot by my youngest daughter, Rara, and the voice-over is by Zarina. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LvYyk7FDS8

Brush color on your brows - or where they were - slightly lighter than you think because it can very quickly look mad. When you first start, ask someone else to make sure you haven't turned yourself into Salvador Dali or Lucille Ball in the early 60s.

Most people undergoing cancer treatments become very skinny. Like 14 year-old bones sticking out scrawny. If you were never slim before, this is the silver lining. And here is your chance to try layering! While I'd recommend choosing fabrics that are very smooth and soft so as not to irritate your skin further, I used to start with a very thin, soft cotton t-shirt underneath everything because it gave me more options. I also found that a thin pair of cotton leggings under a loose shirt or dress were useful - because there were so many instances during treatment where one had to undress one part of the body or another. With layers like that, you could reveal an arm, a hand, a foot or a leg without leaving the rest of yourself exposed. That way, you feel like you maintain a level of dignity.

Since I live in New York City AND I didn't want to have to buy an entirely new wardrobe before, during and after treatment, I chose most stuff in neutral colors - black, white and gray - with accents in red or blue. I added a bright pop of color near the face - a scarf or hat -  to cheer myself up.

In terms of fragrance, when you really look odd, it's nice to smell sweet. A lot of people find that chemotherapy and/or radiation makes them nauseated and sensitive to smells, especially artificial ones. I found that, at my most nauseated, the scent of natural grapefruit oil was fresh and clean smelling. Lavender and Rosemary - but the natural oils, not the fake stuff - have a green, camphorousness that can cut through the nausea. They are both also calming and antibacterial. Personally, I also found natural rose and jasmine oils very soothing as well as sexy (and not much made me feel sexy at that time).

My suggestion is to go to health food store or natural aromatherapy place and test out some of the oils. Or ask people to bring you a few. Try a tiny bit on your wrist and leave it on for a while. Or put it on a sweater or sweatshirt. See if it smells nice or it makes you feel sick as the day goes on. If you can't handle any scented products at all, don't worry about it. But given the endocrine interruptors and other nasty effects of synthetic fragrance, I'd recommend you avoid them all together.

Also, look at the products in your bathroom. Shampoos, conditioners, bodywash, soaps and lotions can all irritate the skin and eyes - and they also penetrate the skin and enter the bloodstream. I would go as natural as you can manage. I used Dr. Bronner's Lavender soap (I didn't need shampoo), a natural toothpaste with no fluoride (another possible carcinogen) and food grade sweet almond oil or coconut oil on my body after bathing. Then I rubbed on a little natural flower oil. I used a Weleda's natural deodorant made mostly from baking soda and it seemed to work well.

If you are getting radiation, I recommend a 20-30 minute soak in 1 cup of epsom salt, 1/2 cup of baking soda and 1/2 cup of natural sea salt after treatment. Then take a shower afterwards.

I made a big effort to reduce the plastic bottles and artificial cleaning products - all my years of swimming laps made me adore the chlorine smell of Clorox Clean-Up - but you can get much less toxic cleaners made of hydrogen peroxide and they are just as effective at killing germs.

I did not wear a wig because I found them itchy, expensive and ugly. (Plus, I have fond memories of Sinead O'Connor and the model Eve as bad ass b@#ches). Since I underwent chemotherapy from October til February, I was partial to some extremely soft cashmere beanies made by Meg Cohen. These are the nicest, thickest cashmere I have ever felt and they are locally-made by the nicest person. It's a tiny business that behaves with the best ethics.

Think about it this way, if you are going to have something close to your skin (and your crown chakra), make sure it has good energy!

Fearless Dessert! Crackpie made EVEN MORE addictive!

I am totally indebted to my friend Evangeline Kim for making this recipe. I had only once tasted a teensy bit of Momofuko Milk Bar's famous crack pie but since they used wheat and refined sugar, I didn't really go further. Cut to five or six years' later and she was telling us how delicious it was and offered to make one while staying here. I challenged her to make a version I could eat (without sugar or wheat). So here it is - and if you eat it warm, topped with a dollop of coconut cream - you will literally not be able to stop in until you have to lie down on the floor and unbutton your trousers in total surrender.

Personally, I would not make this myself as it is too labor-intensive and then I would just eat it all up if it was lying around the fridge BUT - it would be the best thing ever to take with you when you get invited somewhere for thanksgiving or a party and there are no desserts that you can eat and everyone is making you feel like a loser as they chow down. When you bring this, they will all be won over to your side. They will all be talking about how ridiculous it is that everyone can't eat healthy and it's so easy and delicious. 

Or eat it all yourself.

 

Organic, Paleo, Gluten-Free, NO REFINED SUGAR - even VEGAN - TOTALLY ADDICTIVE Crackpie

Ingredients - recipe adapted from the Bon Appetite one.

Servings: 4-10 (depends on people's self-control)
 

Cookie Crust

• Coconut oil or grass-fed butter to grease baking pan
• 9 tablespoons coconut oil or grass-fed, organic butter
• 7 tablespoons coconut sugar or 4 tablespoons of monk fruit sweetener
• 1 heaping tablespoon ground chia seeds mixed with 4 tablespoons of water (or 1 organic egg)
• 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons old-fashioned oats
• 1/4 cup almond flour
• 1/4 cup coconut flour 
• 1/8 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/8 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2-1/4 teaspoon sea salt

Filling

• 1 1/4 cup coconut sugar or 3/4 cup of coconut sugar and 1 tablespoon of monk fruit to taste
• 1 tablespoon coconut milk powder (or colostrum powder)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 8 tablespoons coconut oil (or grass-fed butter) 
• 6 1/2 tablespoons coconut cream
• 3/4 cup avocado puree (or 4 large organic egg yolks)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 

Preparation (prep: 40 min, total: 15 hrs - It's long. Plan in advance.)

Cookie Crust

• Preheat oven to 300°F. Line 13x9x2-inch metal baking pan with parchment paper; coat with coconut oil or butter. Combine 6 tablespoons oil/butter, 6 tablespoons coconut sugar in medium bowl. Beat mixture until light and fluffy, occasionally scraping down sides of bowl, about 2 minutes. Add ground chia seed mixture or egg; beat until pale and fluffy. Add oats, almond and coconut flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt and beat until well blended, about 1 minute. Turn mixture out onto prepared baking pan; press out evenly to edges of pan. Bake until light golden on top, 17 to 18 minutes. Transfer baking pan to rack and cool cookie completely.
• Using hands, crumble oat cookie into large bowl; add 3 tablespoons coconut oil/butter and 1 1/2 tablespoons coconut sugar. Rub in with fingertips until mixture is moist enough to stick together. Transfer cookie crust mixture to 9-inch-diameter glass pie dish. Using fingers, press mixture evenly onto bottom and up sides of coconut oil or butter greased pie dish. Place pie dish with crust on rimmed baking sheet.

Filling

• Position rack in center of oven and preheat to 325°F. Whisk coconut sugar, coconut milk or colostrum powder, and salt in medium bowl to blend. Add coconut oil or melted butter and whisk until blended. Add coconut cream, then pureed avocado/egg yolks and vanilla and whisk until well blended. Pour filling into crust. Bake pie 30 minutes (filling may begin to bubble). Reduce oven temperature to 300°F. Continue to bake pie until filling is brown in spots and set around edges but center still moves slightly when pie dish is gently shaken, about 20 minutes longer. Cool pie 2 hours in pie dish on rack (If you can resist it. 30 minutes in is about when I ate the first half of the pie, I globbed the coconut cream on top).
  
  Chill whatever you can save uncovered overnight.

  

  The coconut sugar and coconut cream makes for a darker pie, but since there is slightly less of a sugar rush - and it's balanced with the higher protein and fiber - it doesn't knock you out quite so fast. But it DOES have fructose - so easy on it! Maybe try substituting Monk Fruit in places?

Can be made 2 days ahead. Cover so that no one knows what it is; keep chilled. Lock up your fridge.

Raw Ramadan - Fearless Fasting 2016

Yes! It's here! Ramadan again. While it's a long holiday - 30 days of abstaining from food, drink, smoking or sexual activity during daylight hours - for me, it's a magical month. The lights seem to sparkle more brightly. When you do eat or drink again, it feels almost ecstatic, the food fills your body with energy and radiance. When you rest while fasting, your sleep is deep and nourishing. And when a day doesn't go well, let's say I lose my temper or I'm especially tired or thirsty or irritable, I have 29 more do-overs to try and get better. I do whine about the length of time, but I am deeply grateful for it as well.

Not consuming, for me, has an interesting effect on my psyche. I speak less, I listen more. I have time to meditate, to read a new translation of the Quran (currently getting lost in The Heart of the Quran, meditations by the American founder of our order, Lex Hixon), Ibn Arabi, Jalaluddin Rumi or another mystical thinker. I notice that my senses are all heightened. Sounds are louder and sharper, scents are more complex and hypnotic, my skin and intuition perceive more precisely. Visually, I am constantly struck by the beauty and grace of the little things around me - plants and animals seem more deserving of attention and care.

Since while you are fasting, you are meant to feed others who are not as fortunate, so I get the pleasure of buying meals for homeless people on the street or helping others in small ways. And we all know that helping another person is really a gift for yourself. It reduces your cardiovascular stress, increases your resilience, regulates your neuroendocrine systems and stimulates your immune system. On an esoteric level, it opens your heart chakra - your emotional connection to the shared human experience.

I've said this before, but I always used to tell my daughters that anyone can give up eating or drinking. Many people do, for many reasons, but a true fast involves an abstention from the more difficult things to surrender: anger, dishonesty, disloyalty and unkindness of any sort. I am so far from perfect in this regard, especially when driving in the summer in New York City, but the effort toward that goal, the self-reflection, feels good. It is said that if you can't manage the secondary aspects of the fast, you shouldn't do the first.

It goes without saying that after not eating for 12 to 16 hours, your body is clean and quite sensitive to what you put back in it. Thus, you should really try to make sure your food is organic and as fresh and local as you can get it.  Your main goal at the beginning of the fast break is to reintroduce foods gently and slowly into your system - as well as eating nutrient-dense foods so you will have the energy to fast again the next day (just a few hours after you break!)

Fasting foods should be your medicine

I reduce caffeine little by little in the month before Ramadan so I don’t get horrible headaches. But if you need your coffee, tea or other caffeine fix – I suggest you wait until later in the meal. Breaking your fast with a cup of hot coffee could be jarring! Also, it’s a diuretic and rehydration is the first goal.

So here is the menu this year's Raw Iftar at the Sufi dergah! Do try these recipes but, don't stress yourself out and make them ALL at once. Try one or two at a time. Experiment with flavors, spices, tastes and see what works best for your body and your tastebuds. Play with the juicer, the dehydrator, the spiralizer and see what's fun and what's tedious.

Most of these recipes are even better if you make them in advance and let them sit at room temperature - or if it's very hot - in the fridge. Thus, you can make them early in the day and then take a nap when the afternoon spaciness overtakes you. You wake up to a ready-to-eat iftar!

Watermelon, Cucumber and Mint Juice

(serves 6)

This is a great juice to make in your juicer, if you have one, but because these ingredients are so liquidy, you can easily do it in the blender, too! This year, ours was made by Community Supported Juice in Gowanus, Brooklyn. They make their juice using fruits and vegetables from CSAs and the Brooklyn Green Market so everything is fresh and local and surprisingly affordable. Plus they put their juice in glass bottles which is better for keeping the enzymes and nutrients in tact.

½ - 1 small watermelon (depends on the size)

2-3 cucumbers

1 bunch of fresh mint

Directions:

Cut up the watermelon into chunks, but leave the rind on, just cut off the green skin. Watermelon rinds have a lot of hydrating properties and you want to use the whole fruit because it will make the juice less sweet. (Too much sugar as you break your fast will make your blood sugar surge – and release insulin too quickly – start slowly!)

Chop the cucumber and mint roughly. Since it is going through the juicer or blender, you can leave the stems on the mint, just make sure you rinse it well before using.

Little by little, add the watermelon and cucumber/mint mix to the juicer or blender. If you are using a less efficient juicer, you might find that the pulp comes out still very wet. In that case, just put the pulp back through the blender for a second squeeze. If you are using a blender, remember that you just want to liquefy the ingredients and you don’t want the process to heat or overly damage the enzymes.

Pour into glasses or serving vessel and chill – shake gently before serving - or drink immediately! Try and use this within a four or five hours as it becomes less effective as it oxidizes.

Raw Avocado-Pineapple Gazpacho right in front, Raw Carrot and Cabbage Pad Thai and then a green salad next.

Avocado-Pineapple Gazpacho

(serves 6)

This is a version of the one I made last year - but I switched up by adding some pineapple.

 

2 large avocados chopped

2 cups cubed cucumber (1 hothouse cucumber)

1 cup chopped pineapple

1 cup of fresh cilantro/coriander or cilantro sprouts

½ cup chopped onion

2 cloves of fresh garlic

1/2 green chili (jalapeno or Serrano, depends on your sensitivity)

juice of 1 lime

¼ cup of extra virgin olive oil

1 teaspoon of sea salt (more or less, to taste)

1 large beefsteak tomato

1-2 cups of filtered water to thin out

Garnish:

1 bell pepper diced

Coriander chopped

Directions:

Place all ingredients except garnish into your blender and puree until smooth. Add salt, chilies and/or more lime to taste. Chill or let sit in a cool place for at least an hour before serving so the flavors become more complicated than a liquefied guacamole! I added fresh pineapple for a different variation this year, the sweetness off-sets the chilies and the enzymes help the digestion. The fats in the olive oil and avocado satiate the appetite before the main meal. It is a good idea to have a soup before your main course as it soothes your hunger and keeps you from overeating! After fasting, it’s good to start slowly!

Egglant or Aubergine just waiting for their transformation!

Raw Eggplant/Aubergine “Bacon” or Jerky

(serves 6)

Head's up. The prep for this is easy, but it takes time. The "bacon" tastes better when left to marinate overnight and then the dehydrating time can take anywhere from 12 to 18 hours. That said, it keeps well - even for a month at time - in an airtight container with a silica packet or two from your supplements or seaweed snacks.

3-4   small white eggplants – or 1-2 regular eggplant

4 tablespoons maple syrup     

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

2 tablespoons organic apple cider vinegar

3 tablespoons naturally-fermented tamari

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

1 teaspoon liquid smoke flavoring

½ teaspoon chili flakes

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

salt and black pepper to taste

Directions:

Whisk together all the ingredients except the eggplant in a bowl or an 8 x 10’ roasting pan. The idea is to marinate the eggplant slices in this liquid so a shallow wide container is better to cover more eggplant strips.

Peel the eggplant and cut them into long, relatively even slices. Thin, but not too thin, because when they dry, they become much thinner. You can leave the skin on but it becomes very chewy when it’s dried. I slice the eggplant by hand but I’ve heard people use a mandolin with success – I just don’t have one (birthday present, anyone?)

As you slice the eggplant, add them to the sauce and allow them to marinate (ideally, overnight, but even an hour is fine) until they soften.

After they are marinated, take them carefully out of the liquid – they will be soft and drippy – and lie them on a mesh dehydrator or oven tray. If they are very wet, put them on a teflex sheet first. You want as much of the marinade on there as possible. You can brush the slices with the extra marinade if you want.

Dehydrator

46°C - 52°C / 115°F - 125°F for 12-24 hours, depending on how thick your eggplant slices are. Mine took about 12 hours.

Oven

I haven’t tried the oven, but here’s what I’ve read - 75°C / 165°F for 1 hour. Turn oven off, open oven door and let trays sit in there for 30 minutes. Turn oven back on at 75°C / 165°F and cook for 1 hour. Repeat this process until the eggplant is crispy.

Carrot and Cabbage, ready to toss with the creamy, spicy almond butter sauce!

Raw Carrot and Cabbage Pad Thai

(serves 6) 

For the pad thai:
2 large carrots (choose the fattest ones you can find)

1/2 head of Cabbage, chopped like coleslaw

1 yellow or red bell pepper, chopped
4 or 5 green onions, chopped

2 cups mung bean sprouts
1 cup sugar snap (chopped) or snow peas (whole)
1 cup of cilantro, roughly chopped

½ cup basil chopped

½ cup mint chopped
1/2 cup cashews crushed
Lime slices, to garnish

For the sauce:
4 tablespoons raw almond or sunflower or other nut butter

2 tablespoons of coconut aminos – or natural tamari, it is saltier so do it to taste!

¼-1/2 inch of ginger root or 1 teaspoon minced ginger
1 teaspoon chili flakes
2 cloves garlic, minced
juice of one lime or ½ lemon
1 teaspoon coconut sugar
3 tablespoons of water

Directions:

Make the pad thai
Use a spiralizer to make the carrots into long noodles. If you don’t have a spiralizer or it requires too much arm strength, run vegetable peeler down the length of carrots, shaving off long ribbons. Put the carrot noodles in a bowl with all the other vegetables. Set aside.

Make the sauce
In a blender, spin the sauce ingredients, adding more water to get a smooth, creamy consistency and coconut aminos to taste. Pour sauce over carrot noodle mixture and toss to coat. Chill or let it sit in a cool place so that the flavors have time to emerge.

Before you serve, add the crushed cashews and the lime slices to garnish!

Kale and Brussels Sprouts Salad, top left, Cauliflower Rice, middle, Eggplant "Bacon," top right. Raw Falafel at the bottom.

Kale and Shaved Brussels Sprout Salad

(serves 4)

 

I adapted this from http://rawfoodrecipes.com/recipes/shredded-kale-brussels-salad/

Salad:

5 ounces, lacinato kale, rolled and thinly sliced, stems removed. 

5 ounces brussels sprouts, trimmed and shredded

¼ cup roasted hazel nuts 

Vinaigrette:

1/2 cup (60 ml) roasted hazelnut oil

1 small garlic clove

2 tablespoons lemon juice

1 raw mustard

salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Chop kale and brussels sprouts finely and toss to combine in a large salad bowl.

In a blender, blend the oil, garlic, lemon juice, mustard and salt and pepper until creamy. Drizzle the dressing over the salad and massage to coat, sprinkle with the roasted hazelnuts.

Allow to soften in the sauce before eating.

my best sous-chef and protege is the Bomb...

Curried Cauliflower Rice Salad

(serves 4)

This one is sort of a cheat because it isn’t totally raw. As an Indian, I have a horror of “raw” ground spices because, to my palate, they taste grainy and sharp. Also, many spices healing properties are activated by oil, especially turmeric. Simmering in warm oil and water releases their magic! If you have an auto-immune disease, look into the Indian spice mixture called, “Garam Masala” (basically, warming spices) instead of curry powder. You can find it in most Indian grocery stores.

           

1 head Cauliflower

3 tbsp Coconut oil – more if necessary – it will help keep you satiated and hydrated.

1 Onion chopped

3 cloves of Garlic chopped finely

¼ inch of Ginger root, chopped finely

1/2 tsp Curry powder/Garam masala

½ tsp Turmeric

1 cup of freshly-shelled Peas or chopped Sugar Snap Peas

1 cup of chopped tomatoes

1 cup sliced Almonds

1 cup of fresh Cilantro chopped

Directions:

Cut the cauliflower in half, then quarters and then break into smaller pieces. Add the cauliflower pieces to a food processer and pulse until you get a crumbly, rice-like texture. (A secret – you can buy this frozen by the bag at Trader Joe’s or in packages from a health food store – if you don’t have time).

Brown the onions in the coconut oil in a wide skillet, then add the garlic and ginger, turmeric, a little salt and pepper and letting the mixture simmer until the spice mixture has become a sort of paste.

Add the cauliflower to the skillet, scraping it out of the food processor bowl with a spatula.

Cook slightly for 4 minutes, stirring to make sure that all the cauliflower is coated in the spice mixture.

Remove from the heat, as the mixture cools, add the peas, chopped tomatoes, sliced almonds and chopped cilantro.

Allow the mixture to sit at room temperature or - as we did - chill and eat later!

Raw Falafel

(serves 6)

The prep for this involves 2-3 days to sprout the garbanzos/chickpeas and lentils and 2-3 hours of dehydrating - so just be sure to plan ahead with this one, too. These days you can find pre-sprouted beans and lentils in the salad section of the grocery store, so you can save time by getting those. Ours were adapted from http://rawmazing.com/recipe/falafels-the-raw-food-way/

3 cups of sprouted chickpeas and lentil

1 cup of finely chopped onion

2 cloves of garlic

1 cups of sunflower seeds

1/2 cup ground flaxseeds or chia seeds

1/4 cup of lemon juice

1/2 cup of parsley, chopped finely.

2 tablespoons of olive oil

2 tablespoons of ground coriander

3 teaspoons of cumin

1 tablespoon of tamari or coconut aminos

Prep 3 days in Advance - Sprout chickpeas and lentils. Place 2 cups organic dry beans in a jar, cover with water and let soak for 24 hours. Make sure there is plenty of room in the jar as these will expand quite a bit. Drain off water and rinse 3 times a day until little sprouts appear. Usually 2-3 days. Remember to keep rinsing as they can get moldy very easily.

Directions:

Starting with the sunflower seeds, put them in the food processor and grind until fine. Then empty the ground sunflower seeds into a mixing bowl. 

Put the garlic in the food processor and pulse until it is chopped, them add the sprouted chickpeas and lentils. Pulse until they are mashed. Then empty the mixture into the bowl with the sunflower seeds. Add the chopped onions, the parsley, the ground flaxseed, cumin and coriander, along with the olive oil, and the tamari and mix together until is a soft, uniform "dough." You can also put the entire mixture back into the food processor and mix it that way - but it can also make the falafels a little too smooth and sticky.
Wash your hands thoroughly. Rub a little olive oil in the palm of your hands and fingers and shape the mixture into small falafel balls and arrange them on the dehydrator trays. We then flattened them out because fast break was in a couple of hours and we wanted them to be ready faster!
We used my Excalibur dehydrator and put them in at 145 for 1 hour, then because everyone was hungry just thinking about them, we turned the heat up higher, to 165, for another hour. When we took them out, they were soft in the middle and slightly crispy on the inside. But a few got left in an hour or two longer and they were even better. I'd suggest you leave them at 145 for 2-3 hours.

Serve on a bed of sprouts and drizzled with tahini. 



DESSERT!

www.rawsometreats.com creamy, sweet, delicious tiramisu

For dessert, I was not quite as ambitious this year. I asked my friend Watt at Rawsome Treats to make us one of her incredible Raw Tiramisus and her raspberry-chocolate Trisome mousse cake. They are all vegan, raw, gluten-free and free of refined sugar! I will have to get the recipes some day. Here's one I found, but I haven't managed to make it myself (yet)! http://www.thisrawsomeveganlife.com/2014/01/raw-vegan-tiramisu-with-vanilla-cream.html

here's the trisome cake! Raspberry, vanilla and a crunchy chocolate crust and drizzle.

Here's the most important thing to remember - Ramadan can help you make incredible shifts in your physical and spiritual being. However you do it, start with Love. The loving energy you use to make and serve your food will nourish and heal those who eat it.